Yesterday, December 15, was a day of good news for many college applicants. Thousands of students learned that their Early Decision or Early Action applications had been accepted. Congratulations to all of them!

But it was also a sad day for thousands more, who had their ED and EA applications deferred or denied. (Colleges use the term “denied,” because although they are denying you acceptance to their school they don’t want you to feel like it’s a personal rejection. Every student I know calls it “rejection,” because—at least at first—it indeed does feel like a personal rejection.)

If you got good news, you know what to do. ED applicants—you’re done! Enjoy your break and enjoy your spring! EA acceptances mean you have some place to go and some place to compare your later offers to. That’s a nice spot to be in.

If you got bad news, though, you may not know what to do. You may be overwhelmed with questions or disappointment. So here’s some advice on dealing with the bad news.

First, understand what you’re looking at: is it a no or a maybe? If you are denied, then it means they are not going to enroll you. You won’t be going there; it’s decided. But very often with ED and EA applications, they don’t actually tell you no. They instead defer you to the regular decision pool. Your application will be looked at again, and you still may be accepted—or waitlisted—when those decisions come out. You may still be going to your top-choice school.

Either denied or deferred, if you applied ED this means you need to make sure you have other applications ready to go for regular admissions deadlines, mostly around January 1st. That gives you several weeks. That’s not a whole lot of time, but you were probably working on them anyway. You’ve got time to catch up. Make sure that your applications include a wide range of selectivity. Don’t assume that because you got denied or deferred once that it means you “can’t get in” at a low-acceptance-rate school and decide not to apply to any.

You should also apply to at least one or two schools where you are very confident you will be accepted. For some students, this means making sure you include schools with acceptance rates over 50%. For some it means making sure to include schools with acceptance rates over 70%. For some it may mean applying to schools with acceptance rates over 90%. You probably know which category you fit in—for most, 70% is a good standard, just to be sure.

If you applied EA, this probably doesn’t change much. You were already working on other applications and weren’t completely sure you want to go to this one school. Otherwise, you would have applied ED. So you’ve got emotions to work through, perhaps, but you’re on track.

If you’ve got emotions about the bad news—and you probably do—then you should work hard to name them and understand them. Work on at least one sentence that follows the “I feel _____ because _____” pattern.

I feel disappointed, because I really wanted to go to that college, and they denied me. I feel discouraged, because this denial makes me question how well my other applications are going to go. I feel embarrassed, because I acted as though this was going to be my college, and now I have to find another one. I feel angry, because I think they underestimated me and are taking away an opportunity.

You’ll probably have more than one feeling, and they’ll change over time. If you’ve got negative feelings, that’s not a problem. Don’t listen to the people who tell you not to feel that way. You don’t, in fact, need to stay positive. But one of the most productive ways to make sure your negative feelings don’t sabotage your chances with future applications is to have a clear idea of what your feelings are and where they’re coming from. Naming your feelings is a way to help keep them from controlling you. You’ll probably want to discuss those feelings with someone you trust.

If you got bad news of any kind, you may be wondering what you did wrong. It’s normal to do this, to want to know that one thing that messed things up for you: they must not have liked my essay, or my test scores were too low, or even I know someone with worse grades who got in, so there’s something unfair going on. Let go of this thinking as soon as you can. It’s normal, but it’s not useful or productive. Holistic admissions means that there’s no one thing that you did wrong. It’s just not that simple. The truth, which you may find reassuring but may find frustrating, is that you probably did absolutely nothing wrong. It may be that you did everything fine, but the school had more applicants who did everything fine than they could accept. This is why, other than politeness, they don’t call it a rejection.

If you’re experiencing strong negative emotions and making strong negative assumptions—things like “I won’t be able to have a successful life now that I’m not going to my top choice school” or “I’m not going to be accepted to any college”—then you may need to work on what psychologists call decatastrophizing. You can search for “decatastrophizing worksheet” and find plenty of examples, and they all ask you to logically and honestly ask yourself what the worst possible outcome really is, how likely that worst-case scenario really is, and what you plan to do if that worst case does (or doesn’t) come true. No matter what it feels like right now, the odds that this one college decision will actually be your downfall and ruin your life are incredibly small.

Remember that you planned for this. You knew this might happen, and you planned for it. Even if you applied ED, you knew that you would need a plan B and had other schools in mind. If you applied EA, then you definitely had other schools in mind. You certainly hoped to get good news in the first round, but you knew that it might not be the case. You have a few weeks to finish other applications to most schools, and even longer for some schools with late deadlines or rolling admissions. This is disappointing, but it’s nothing you aren’t prepared for.

The only thing left to do is take the next step. And unless you applied ED to one school and haven’t got a back-up, you already know what the next step is. Feel disappointed or frustrated or sad or embarrassed or whatever else you feel, and then finish up those other applications if you haven’t yet. Don’t decide that you need to throw your entire plan out the window and start all over again at zero. Don't decide that you’re a failure. Don’t decide that you will not even bother applying to college. Don’t spend the next two weeks feeling too bad to do anything about it. Just do what’s next, the logical next step, and you’ll be fine.

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   What to do when you get waitlisted

   What are your chances of getting into your top college?

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