Online resources for trans students

Last week the Texas Attorney General issued a legal opinion that gender-affirming medical care for minors constitutes “child abuse.” The next day, Texas governor Greg Abbott directed the Department of Family and Protective Services to investigate any reported gender-affirming care as child abuse. Texas isn’t the only state making it difficult for gender nonconforming students and their families. Arkansas passed legislation making gender-affirming care like hormone treatments illegal for minors, and that law is being blocked while a legal challenge works its way through the court system. This Freedom for All Americans page tracks anti-trans legislation across the country.

Because all college-bound students, including trans students, need a place where they can thrive intellectually, socially, and spiritually, I want to share some resources for high school students looking for the most inclusive college environments.

All students, including LGBTQ students, are looking for a place where they can thrive. Here are a few online resources that may help.

The most practical place, and therefore the first place you’ll want to check out, is Campus Pride. They have all kinds of resources, training, and outreach to make college campuses safer for LGBTQ students. But as a high school student looking for a college, you will be very interested in their Campus Pride Index. It ranks hundreds of colleges on a five-star scale, helping you find which colleges on your list are the best when it comes to gender-inclusive housing and friendly policies. Campus Pride has been around for over 20 years, so there’s a lot of experience and wisdom in their approach. (I made a donation to Campus Pride, and you can find their donation page here.)

For an understanding of your rights as a transgender college student, as well as guidance on changing names and/or gender markers on documents, Lambda Legal has a great FAQ page to use as a starting point. (I made a donation to Lambda Legal, and you can find their donation page here.)

I always say that the best way to prepare for college is to be a good high school student. Fortunately, there’s support for LBGTQ students, allies, and educators in K-12 schools, not just universities. GLSEN has been involved in that support and education for decades. They have a resource page dedicated to supporting Trans and GNC students. (I made a donation to GLSEN, and you can find their donation page here.)

On top of other resources, Human Rights Campaign has a scholarship database for LGBTQ+ students and allies. (My family already has a membership with HRC, so I didn’t make a donation this week. But I bought a t-shirt. You can find their donation page here.)

Whoever you are, no matter your age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or race, I hope you find a college that supports you and accepts you for who are you and who you aspire to be.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

  1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

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Three quick questions with Rollins College

A magical fox who surprises the campus with a day off and pancakes? That sounds wonderful!

For Three Quick Questions, I send the same three questions to admission representatives at colleges all over the country, and then I hope to hear back from them. The three questions are meant to probe some of the things that make a school unique but that aren’t easily captured as a stat to go in a book or web search.

Today’s response is from Frank Thomas, Senior Assistant Director of Admission at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida.

What is a course, tradition, program or event that is unique to Rollins College?

Fox Day is an annual tradition established in 1956. Each spring, on a day deemed “too pretty to have class,” the president cancels all classes for the Colleges of Arts & Sciences and Professional Studies, providing undergraduate students with a surprise day off.

A statue of the Rollins fox is placed on Tars Plaza by the president early in the morning. The Chapel bell rings to alert students of the special occasion while the president hands out Fox Day proclamations and donuts to students who line up outside his office. A free pancake breakfast is offered in the morning, fun activities are planned throughout the day, and a family-style picnic is laid out on the Green, free for everyone in the Rollins community.

No one knows exactly when Fox Day will happen each year. But students are known to camp out on The Green eagerly awaiting the fox’s arrival during the weeks leading up to the highly anticipated day.

Naturally every college wants to recruit the perfect student--high grades, high test scores, involved in their community, leadership...everything. But what kinds of imperfect students tend to flourish at Rollins?

The overwhelming majority of Rollins College applicants are imperfect students! At Rollins, we aren’t looking for one reason to say no; we’re looking for lots of reasons to say yes. All students are going to face some setback or adversity in their high school careers, and the more interesting and instructive stories relate to how they faced and overcame those challenges. Any student who feels that part of their application is imperfect can make up for that with strengths in other areas of the application. For example, a lower level of rigor in course selection could be balanced by higher and more diverse involvement in internships, organizations, and service.

When people come to visit Winter Park, what's a place off campus that you recommend they check out while they're there?

The Rollins Admission office is at the intersection of Fairbanks Avenue and Park Avenue.  Students walking north on Park Avenue from there will encounter charming downtown Winter Park, with blocks of local shops and restaurants, a park, and a light rail train station.  On weekends, there is a wonderful local farmers’ market at the park, which is also the center of holiday celebrations and decorations.  It is a great asset within short walking distance from campus.


Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

  1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

  2. See which other colleges and universities answered the questions.

  3. Is there a school you’d like to hear from? Let me know, and I’ll make sure they get the questions.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth. [The banner photo is not of Rollins. I use the same photo for all Meet the Class posts so you can spot them easily.]

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Slow down to speed up

I have a friend who is a financial adviser. When I first met him he was working in the “wealth management” side of a large international bank, helping wealthy clients figure out how to invest their money. Now he runs an investment fund and manages hundreds of millions of dollars. One time, back when I was still a high school teacher, I thought I’d ask if he had any reading recommendations for my students. None of them were looking for investment strategies for their millions…at least not yet. But financial literacy is a really important skill for people of almost any age, so I thought he might know some good books that taught the basics that I could pass along. He would only give me one answer:

“The Tortoise and the Hare.”

Right, I said, I get the idea. Go for the slow, steady, wise approach, not the get-rich-quick schemes. But what can you recommend that translates that to money and financial literacy? “C’mon, help me out, don’t be so clever,” I thought (but didn’t say aloud). “No, The Tortoise and the Hare. I’m serious. Internalize that, and then you can learn the details when you’re ready.” So that was the advice. Read and learn that short fable, and then some day you might be ready to manage your own money. Got it.

Strangely, it was years before I made the connection between The Tortoise and the Hare and a phrase I’ve learned from chefs: Slow Down to Speed Up. “Slow down to speed up” is a lot like “slow and steady wins the race,” except in restaurants there is no finish line—it’s the daily grind of getting good food out to customers.

Slow Down to Speed Up has to do with keeping up with the crazy pace of a kitchen by slowing down first to perfect your skills. If you’re falling behind because you’re not chopping vegetables well or you keep forgetting ingredients because you’re in a rush, then speeding up the bad preparation doesn’t make anything better. You have to slow down and do it right until doing it right becomes automatic. Then, and only then, can you start to really stay caught up.

Slow Down to Speed Up is such an integral part of chef training that Dan Charnas devotes a chapter to it in his book Everything In Its Place: The Power of Mise-en-place to Organize Your Life, Work, and Mind. Here’s how Charnas puts it:

Chefs don’t panic. The basic concept is this: The natural human tendency in the face of imminent deadline is to rush or panic. Don’t rush; when you rush, your movements become sloppy. Don’t panic; when you panic, you forget things. When you find yourself rushing or panicking or both, just stop. Breathe. If your anxiety compels you to move, then clean. The act of cleaning…will force you to take some breaths. Look around you. Think about where you are and where you need to be. Think of the next step to get you there and take that step, slowly.

Though I’ve only known it in the kitchen context, it turns out that Slow Down to Speed Up is a concept taught in business and management, also. Here are short articles from McKinsey & Company, Forbes, and Harvard Business Review extolling the virtues of slowing down at key moments to do better in fast-paced business.

So financial planners, chefs, and business managers agree that you should slow down to speed up. What does Slow Down to Speed Up look like for busy high school students? How can you win your college admission race by slowing down?

First, focus on skills, not achievements. Chefs slow down to make sure they’re cutting vegetables right, keeping their station clean, cooking their proteins to the best temperature. When they’re in the kitchen getting orders ready, they’re not thinking about getting great reviews or awards. Rewards only come later as a result of the skills. As a student, take time to think about the skills you’re learning and the skills you should have already learned. Think more about skills and material, less about grades and rewards. Don’t use tricks and shortcuts to get an A in Biology—learn the Biology. Don’t spend 45 minutes trying to hide that you didn’t do the History reading—spend an hour doing the History reading. Make your audition monologue the best you can, without worrying about if you’ll get the starring role in the play. Practice your passing and raise your endurance without thinking about going to the soccer playoffs. Your skills will be rewarded sooner or later, but only if you focus on the skills. The more you slow down to focus on skills, the more substantial the reward, even if it’s a little later.

Do less, practice more. Students and parents often ask me what else they should be doing to help with college applications. What other activities should they add to their resume? How can they “round out” their application? Unless they’re doing absolutely nothing (and they never are), my answer is always not to do more. Go for quality, not quantity. Do fewer things, and practice them much more intensely. A student who plays one sport and is in one club, but participates with intention and experiences growth, will always be more appealing than a student who superficially participates in three sports and five clubs. This isn’t about “finding your passion.” If you have a passion, great. Spend more time practicing it. But if you don’t have a passion yet, that’s fine. Choose a few things that are good and worthwhile, and practice them with care and attention. It’s not about the passion, it’s about the practice.

Study a little more, cram a lot less. Set up a regular time to study and do homework. Ideally it’s daily, but that’s not always realistic. Then, use that time to study and do homework, all the time, even if there’s nothing big coming up. If there truly is nothing you need to do during that study time, use it anyway. Be in your study space and do something productive. Read ahead in a textbook, or read something for pleasure. The better you get about spreading your preparation for projects and exams out over time, the less panic you experience right before the big due dates.

Procrastinate better. Maybe I’m supposed to tell you not to procrastinate, but that would be naive. People procrastinate. But you can do it better.

There’s a good chance you’re like me: when I’m overwhelmed with too much to do or anxious because I’m not sure what to do next, I soothe myself by doing something low-stress and of low importance. Ironically, the more I have on my to-do list, the more likely I am to waste time. It’s a self-soothing mechanism. So if I really need to get back to a client, and I’m behind on writing a blog post, and I need to return some email, and there’s laundry piling up, and my kids are insisting on eating dinner (they seem to want dinner every night!), I find myself looking for a time waster. Twitter, Instagram, online shopping, re-organizing the bookshelves, things like that. It temporarily helps with the stress, but it makes the problem worse. The next time you catch yourself procrastinating, ask yourself if maybe you’re doing it because you’re anxious about what all you have to do and being unsure what to do next. Just understanding why you procrastinate is a major step.

The trick is to procrastinate with finite distractions, not open-ended distractions. Cleaning is a good distraction, because it makes it easier to feel in control. But clean something small; clean your desk, or make your bed. Don’t reorganize all the files in your computer or decide to overhaul your bedroom. When you’re in a procrastinating mood, stay away from the internet. Play a short and simple game, not one that takes hours. If you can procrastinate with something that’s time-limited and healthy, even better. Take a walk around the block. Do 25 push-ups. Stretch. Do a 10-minute guided meditation. Then, after a short procrastination break, take a breath, “think about where you are and where you need to be. Think of the next step to get you there and take that step, slowly.”

Sleep. It’s hard to get enough sleep as a busy teenager. It’s hard to get enough sleep as a busy adult. It’s a paradoxical circle, where you need to get sleep so you can be organized, calm, healthy, and happy. And you also need to finish all the things that an organized, calm, healthy, happy person does before you can get enough sleep. So I’m not going to get preachy or judge about sleep. I will recommend, however, choosing one night a week to become your regular “sleep night.” Choose one night a week—it doesn’t even have to be the same night each week—where you do everything within your power to get one hour of sleep more than you usually get. Maybe that will be a struggle. Maybe that will feel good. And maybe it will be so good that you’re able to increase it to three, four, or five nights a week. If that’s the case, reverse it and have a single designated “stay up late to catch up” night.

Slowing down to speed up is tough, especially at first. When you’re panicked about having too much to do, being in a chaotic state, and having pressures build up around you, stopping is one of the hardest things to do. But just like the chefs, just like the business gurus and fund managers, just like the tortoise—you have to slow down and plod along. Slow and steady is how you win the race, and it’s how you prepare yourself for college.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

  1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

  2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

    Study in the quiet places

    Stop doing that

    The two things you need for success in college and beyond

  3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Finding your meaning

What does it mean to be alive? What does it mean to be alive in the specific time, place, and society you live in? What is your purpose? How do you find that purpose, and then how do you act on that purpose? How should you live, mindful of that purpose and—just as important—how do you live if you don’t have a clear sense of your purpose?

These are some pretty big questions, the kind of questions that philosophers, theologians, and psychologists deal with. And they’re the kinds of questions that high school students thinking about college deal with. Where will you go? What will you study? Will you actually have access to the place that seems right for you, and will you be able to do what it takes to succeed? Who will you meet? What will you do after college? How will college change you as a person, and will it be a good change? All of these questions—subtly for some, overwhelmingly for others—have to do with identity, meaning, and purpose. It’s one of the reasons college applications can be so difficult.

Lately I’ve been listening to Making Meaning, a podcast series from Ministry of Ideas, a Harvard Divinity School initiative. Each episode is a short (around 10 minutes) interview with someone about how to think about our own meaning and purpose.

Episode four is really, really great. That episode features Michael Steger, the founder and director of the Center for Meaning and Purpose at Colorado State University. I hope you’ll listen to the whole episode, but I want to point out two things from it.

One is that Steger reminds us that meaning ins’t something fixed and unchangeable. It’s an ongoing process that has no end as we grow. As he puts it:

We are not some iceberg just grinding our way toward a defenseless island. You know, we’re something that freezes sometimes and something that melts sometimes and something that drifts sometimes. And sometimes something that steers ourselves sometimes.

Remember this if you’re struggling to find meaning at times, or if you sense your purpose changing and you’re not sure how you feel about it. If you’re unsure what sort of a future you’re setting yourself up for, it can be difficult to know what to do for the next big step, which is college. But understand that your purpose can change, and that it’s influenced by a lot of things beyond just our choosing. So be kind to yourself and think about what you do know that you want, need, and have to give in return from college (or even not going to college). Don’t focus on what’s not there and what you don’t know.

The other great thing is that he gives a simple and practical exercise we can do to help us understand what meaning and purpose we already have for ourselves:

So just take a camera, or your phone probably. Take some time, limit the number of photos you’re going to take. Maybe just five. Maybe seven. Some small, singular, single-digit number. And take a photo of things that speak to you, what makes your life meaningful. It can be a person, it can be a pet. It can be something you made, it can be a special place. Particularly during the pandemic it might be a picture of a person, or a picture of a special place. You know, or it might be a souvenir you brought back. Who knows what it is. But take that picture and spend a little bit of time thinking to yourself about why you took that photo, why it’s meaningful to you. And then share it with someone, tell that little story.

Taking the time to do this photo exercise sincerely and seriously can be extremely useful. While Steger is the director of the Center of Meaning and Purpose, not me, I still want to suggest two things about this exercise he recommends. First, wait until after you’ve taken the photos and really thought about them before deciding who to share them with. If you have an audience in mind, that can skew what sorts of things you take photos of and then what you think about them. Do the sharing part significantly later than the thinking part. Also, push yourself to move past the first level or two of answers about why something is significant. Ask yourself why a lot. Dig deeper. Make connections.

I hope you enjoy the episode, and perhaps the entire series. Meaning and purpose are fun, if scary, things to think about. You’ll do it before college. You’ll do it in college. You’ll continue doing it long after college is over.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

  1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

  2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

    Making meaning out of your adversity

    What would you do as a bored billionaire?

  3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

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