I’m re-publishing my how-to on asking for recommendations with some updates and changes. None of my advice has changed, and the procedure hasn’t changed. But I decided to put more emphasis on the fact that each college is a little different in their requirements, each high school is a little different in their procedures, and each teacher is a little different in their preferences. There is absolutely no one-size-fits-all advice for rec letters. They require some planning and trial-and-error. It’s ideal that you’re thinking about this your junior year, but you can quickly catch up if you start your senior year. Please leave any questions or advice in the comments.

Understand what you’re asking for. Have you ever seen a letter of recommendation? Have you ever written one? Do you really understand what you’re asking for? Probably not, and that’s fine. Take some time to get familiar with the type of letter you’re asking for. Look at these examples with comments. You’ll have a better idea of who to ask, when to ask, and how to ask if you have a better appreciation for what all goes into a good recommendation.

Outline what you hope they’ll say. Why are you asking this person for a letter? What does this person have to say about you that’s different than what anyone else would? What specific actions did this person witness that you hope they’ll be able to talk about? You can’t dictate what a teacher will say, but you can let them know what you’re hoping for.

Make sure you ask someone who can help you. Like the essays and interviews, recommendation letters are one of your opportunities to show colleges that you’re an interesting person, not just a transcript. So make sure you ask for recommendation letters from teachers who know you as a person. Some colleges specify which teachers they want letters from, and there’s nothing you can do about that. But when you have control, get teachers who will say great things about you. If a teacher is likely to just repeat what’s already in your transcript, then you’ve lost a big opportunity. If a teacher is writing letters for a lot of other students, then that teacher may not be able to write a unique and personal letter for you. A teacher you’ve had good rapport with and who knows you as a person is going to be better for you than a teacher who doesn’t know you as well but gave you higher grades. There’s lots of advice out there about which teachers are better for rec letters: a junior teacher is better than a 9th grade teacher; get a STEM teacher and a humanities teacher; a teacher who had you for two classes is better than a teacher who only had you for one. This advice isn’t bad, but remember the deeper advice underlying all of it: ask for rec letters from someone who is going to be able to write a good letter for you. If you have some intuition here telling you who to ask, follow that intution over formulas.

Understand that it’s a personal favor. Teachers are not required to write recommendation letters, so treat it as the personal favor it is. When I was a teacher, I liked it when students set up an appointment with me to come and talk to me about rec letters. I preferred to know why they were coming so I could prepare questions or suggestions. I loved it when a student sent me an email asking to come by later and ask for a rec letter. However, I also worked with teachers who didn’t care for this approach. They don’t want to have the same conversation over and over again with a bunch of students. They would just want a student to come up and ask. Or they even had a sign-up list. So there’s no one best approach. You have to be attentive to teachers’ preferences and expectations. Whenever you’re in doubt, ask. “I’d like to ask you to write a recommendation for me. What should be my first step? Is there anything you’d like from me?”

But whatever you do, ask for the letter politely and with lots of time to spare. Don’t rush the teacher or treat it like a foregone conclusion that they’ll write you one. And never corner a teacher while they’re trying to get someplace else.

Give them some direction. Hopefully you’ve given a lot of thought to what personal traits you want to discuss in your application essays. Let the teachers who you’re asking for recommendations know what those traits are. If there’s a particular story or example you’re hoping they’ll write about, let them know. Remember, you should have outlined this before asking. Teachers may or may not follow up on that, but it can’t hurt to ask. Which do you think will get a better rec letter:

· “Mr. Holloway, can you write me a letter of recommendation?”

· “Mr. Holloway, I’m putting together my college applications, and I’m really trying to emphasize my creative problem solving. Would it be possible for you to write me a letter of recommendation? I was remembering the time in class when the computer crashed in the middle of my Power Point presentation and I still found a way to get the information across without it. What should be my first step? Is there anything you’d like from me?”

Unless the teacher asks for it, I don’t think you should give them a copy of your transcript, résumé, or “brag sheet.” It makes it too easy for the teacher to just repeat things that are already on your transcript or activities list. Instead, offer to send the teacher any information or reminders they need. But definitely have something ready in case they ask for it, or be ready to write one really quickly.

Convey the actual deadline for the letter. If you’re applying for Early Action, Early Decision, or any other early deadline, let them know. If it’s a Regular Decision application due in early January, let them know. If it’s rolling admissions, and the sooner you get all the materials in the sooner you get a decision, let them know. If it’s a Regular Decision application due in early January, but you want to have all your applications out early for your peace of mind, that’s fine—but the teacher’s deadline is still early January. Don’t try to push them into arbitrary or confusing deadlines that aren’t realistic.

If they say no, don’t be pushy. This should go without saying. There are a number of reasons a teacher might say no when you ask for a recommendation. Don’t assume you know what the reason is, and don’t be pushy. Someone who can’t or doesn’t want to write a letter isn’t going to write a good one. If the teacher who says no is one who a college requires a letter from, let that teacher know and see if there’s something you can work out. But do this as a follow-up, not in the same conversation where the teacher initially says no.

Say thank you. A recommendation letter is a personal favor, so make sure you thank the teacher profusely. Thank the teacher when they agree to write the letter. Say thank you again—in writing—when the teacher sends the letter. When you get accepted to any school that the teacher recommended you for, say thank you again. A thank-you gift is not required, but is a nice gesture (home-baked cookie were always my favorite gift). But don’t give a thank-you gift until after the letter has been sent—you don’t want it to look like a bribe.

How many rec letters will you need? And from who? This is tough to answer, because each college has its own requirements. As you’re looking at colleges you may want to apply to, look through their admission requirements to be sure of what you need. Some colleges don’t require any recommendations. It’s very common for a college to want one from your school counselor and one from a teacher. Some require two teacher recommendations, and some specify that one be from a STEM teacher and one from a humanities teacher. Most will take letters from community members other than teachers and counselors.

I think it’s best to plan on getting recommendations from your counselor and two teachers until you know for sure you don’t need that many. You should obviously send all the recommendations a school requires. But I don’t think you should send more than a single extra recommendation, even if they allow for more. Sending too many recommendations quickly becomes a problem—it makes you seem more annoying and desperate than accomplished and interesting. Also avoid having someone impressive send a recommendation if they don’t actually know you. A bland, generic letter from a business executive, elected official, or famous person doesn’t actually help you.

When should you ask for rec letters? This is also tough to answer, because each teacher has their own preferences. There are teachers who, if approached in the spring of 11th grade, will tell you it’s way too early to deal with that. There are teachers who, if approached in the fall of 12th grade, will tell you it’s too late and they can’t take on any more. Some teachers would love to discuss it during the summer when the pace is slower, but some will absolutely resent you for bothering them in the summer. Again, follow your intuition about what an individual teacher will want. My best advice is to bring it up before the end of the school your junior year, but bring it up casually. Ask your teachers what they prefer, and then follow up when appropriate. Sending an email the few weeks before the beginning of school is fine, but don’t send anything the first two weeks of school unless you absolutely know the teacher wants you to. Those first few weeks of school are busy and overwhelming for a lot of teachers.

What do you do if a college asks for something you can’t provide? There are times when a college may ask for a recommendation that you’re simply unable to provide. Example: your school counselor left the school and hasn’t been replaced. Whenever there’s any kind of problem or question, reach out to your admission representative at the college. Most colleges still divide their admission staff by geography, and most will let you look up who the admission counselor for your region is. If you can find that on their admission web page, perfect. If not, find any contact info you can for the admissions office and reach out with your question. The sooner you do this, the better. Don’t wait until right before the deadline to let them know you may not be able to get exactly what they’re asking for. Consider mid-September to be your deadline for this (unless, of course, you decide to apply to a school after that).

How does the teacher get the recommendation to the college? Teachers and counselors will not give the recommendation to you. When you’re completing the Common Application, there is a section where you indicate who you would like to get recommendations from. You’ll give the names and official school email addresses. (You absolutely must talk to the teacher before submitting their names and email!) The Common App takes it from there. It will send the teachers a link to answer a few questions and upload a rec letter. If you’re applying to a college in a form other than the Common Application, make sure you look up if they want recommendations and how to have them sent. Underatand that you will probably never see the letters teachers write for you. That’s the way it works.

I’m sure there are many exceptions to my normal advice for rec letters, but here are two big ones. If you’re applying to a US service academy, then you will be required to get a recommendation from your member of Congress. Representatives typically have a form on their web site with instructions. If you’re applying to any of these, ignore what I said about getting recommendations from impressive people you don’t necessarily know. Also, home schooled students will often have a completely different set of requirements, since recommendations can be awkward if your teachers and counselors are also your parents. Most colleges have a separate checklist easy to find on their admission web pages.

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Brag Sheet. It’s a term I hear a lot in September and October, but only in those months. I learned the term in the context of college letters of recommendation, and that’s the only context I’ve ever heard it in. If you ask a teacher or counselor for a rec letter, they may ask you for a brag sheet. What does that mean?

Basically, a brag sheet is a resume, but less formal. (If they ask for a resume, give them a full and formal resume.) The teacher would like you to list your activities and accomplishments so they can have it in front of them when they’re writing your letter. Many teachers—especially those who teach 11th grade English and math classes—get a lot of letter requests. A brag sheet helps them stay focused and write a letter more quickly. That makes sense.

I encourage you to have a brag sheet ready in case a teacher or counselor asks for one, and I also encourage you not to give it to them unless they ask for it. The best recommendations are personal and talk about something beyond what a student has accomplished. They talk about the student’s character and, ideally, include examples of the recommender’s experience with the student. A brag sheet makes it very easy for a recommender to avoid that and instead write something much less personal that lists the student’s activities and accomplishments—things the student already lists in other places on their application.

When you first ask someone for a recommendation, do so in a way that prompts them to write about the more personal, character-driven letter you’re hoping for. Instead of

“Mr. Holloway, can you write me a letter of recommendation?”

try

“Mr. Holloway, I’m putting together my college applications, and I’m really trying to emphasize my creative problem solving. Would it be possible for you to write me a letter of recommendation? I was remembering the time in class when the computer crashed in the middle of my class presentation and I still found a way to get the information across without it.”

Make your request in writing, probably over email. If there’s something you want them to write about, let them know. Don’t just hope. You can’t control whether they actually write what you want, but you can ask.

But if someone does ask for a brag sheet, what should you do?

If you already have a resume, begin with that. You’ll want your brag sheet to be absolutely no more than one page, and you’ll want to tailor it to this teacher and this request. If you don’t already have a resume, you’re going to build up the brag sheet from scratch. Remember that it doesn’t need to be as formal as a resume. It isn’t for a wide audience; it’s for a specific person. Make it for that person.

At the top, include all your basic information. Name, grade, contact information. A teacher looking through a stack of papers on their desk (or stuffed into a bag or drawer) should be able to find yours quickly and easily. Put your name on the top, and make it big. If you’re sending your brag sheet over email, make it very clear in the email subject line what’s in the email. Something like “Brag sheet for _____’s rec letter due _____.”

Under that, include the three basic categories: education, experience, and accomplishments. But personalize that information for that person. Include your overall GPA, but also list what classes you took with that teacher—if it’s for a teacher—and the grades you got in those classes. (Because of privacy laws and data management, teachers rarely have access to student records from previous years.) List your activities and accomplishments that relate directly to that class and that teacher. List as many accomplishments, clubs, and activities you want, but make sure it doesn’t go over one page, and make sure the more directly related to that person, the higher up on the list.

Also include what you want your recommender to write about. If there are specific qualities you’re trying to get across in your application, like intellectual passion or creative problem solving, list those qualities near the top of your brag sheet. If there are specific stories or examples you want that person to write about, find a way to fit it into your brag sheet.

A teacher asking for a brag sheet is essentially asking you to help them make the letter-writing process easier for them. Be absolutely honest and accurate, and help them make it easier to write the letter you are hoping for, not just the letter they might write when they have time. You don’t want a generic form letter, so don’t give them a generic brag sheet. Make it specific, make it easy to read, and make it easy for the teacher or counselor to write you the best letter possible.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

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How do I ask a teacher for a recommendation letter?
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How to get letters of recommendation from teachers and counselors

Do you need a "brag sheet?"