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Make your choice and don't look back

This is the last week for most seniors to make their final decisions and commit to a college for next fall before the May 1 deadline. (There are plenty of exceptions, especially this year: students who have until June 1 because some schools pushed back their deadline, students joining waiting lists, students who are putting off college for a year.) Many made their choice a while ago, but I know that tons are still trying to decide. If you’re waiting until the last minute to make your choice, it’s likely because you’re choosing between options that aren’t easily compared.

I’ll give you an example. Late last week I had a conference call with a client and his parents. He’s been accepted to 10 colleges, and he’s narrowed it down to four finalists. It’s really hard, though, to compare the four and make a final decision.

One school seems perfect for him. He hasn’t chosen a major, because he’s interested in a lot of things and likes to move back and forth between projects. He sees himself majoring in business, computer science, or engineering, but in the past year he’s also become passionate about history and creative writing. This school is built around cross-curricular exchanges and double majors. But the tuition and fees are over $50,000 a year.

Another school is a powerhouse in several of his potential majors, and it’s in a city that he loves. He even has family who live nearby. It’s a public university, but not in our state, so the tuition will be about $15,000 per year less than the private university. He’s concerned that it won’t have the same fluidity between different departments, and he’ll be forced to choose a major sooner if he wants to finish in four years. He’s also worried about publicly-funded colleges as we move into a recession and state budgets get tighter.

A third school is another out-of-state public university with a great reputation for engineering and computer science, and it costs about the same as the other out-of-state public. But it’s smaller, and in a city with a much lower cost of living, so it may have some advantages. But are those advantages enough to make it The One?

And then there’s the in-state public option. It’s still a great choice for engineering or computer science. He has friends there, and already has a roommate lined up if he goes. The problem is that the school culture isn’t nearly as good a fit for him, and it’s in a rural area, which is not ideal for him. On the other hand, it will only cost half of the next cheapest on his list, and he’ll save almost $40,000 per year compared to the expensive private school. Is compromising on fit worth the savings?

I don’t think I was much help to him and his family in our call. He did a great job of choosing schools for his applications, and he’s been smart about narrowing down the list. He’s going to make a good choice, wherever he ends up, but whatever he chooses will have some clear disadvantages compared to the others. I told him it’s probably going to be a gut decision, not a rational one he can track in a spreadsheet.

I did give him two pieces of advice that I want to share. First, I told him that one way to make that gut decision is to practice explaining, out loud, his decision. For each of the four schools, I told him, write this sentence: “I’ve chosen to go to _____, because _____. I was also considering _____, but _____.” And then read those sentences aloud, a lot, to see what resonates.

The other piece of advice I gave him? Don’t look back. Once you’ve chosen, be done with it and forget about the others. Make your deposit, and make a housing deposit. Go online and buy a school sweatshirt. Throw out or give away any t-shirts or materials from the others you were considering. Tell everyone you know where you’re going. Start looking for a roommate. Immerse yourself in planning for the fall—go to the website, read all the materials they send, mark your calendar. The sentence you used to explain your choice? Use it a lot.

After May 1st, the relative advantages and disadvantages of those schools won’t disappear. My client can spend the summer making himself crazy wondering “what if?” He may start to wonder if it’s really too late to change his mind. He may start to think about transferring after the first year. He may take the difficult decision of this week and stretch it out for months, not really getting anywhere. The smart thing to do, difficult as it is, is to let go and move on.

Once you’ve decided, it’s also the smart thing for you to do. Now go out there and graduate high school. Well, metaphorically go out there. Stay in as much as possible, and stay safe.

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  2. Read these related posts: Things for high school seniors to consider before committing to a college, Still making a last-minute decision?, Choosing between two different schools

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Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

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