Following your North Star

There’s a quotation from Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh that I return to often:

If you are lost in a forest at night, you can follow the North Star to find your way out. You follow the North Star, but your goal is to get back home; it’s not to arrive at the North Star.

It’s an analogy that Hanh use several times in his writing and talks. In all cases, it’s about not confusing the method with the bigger-picture goal. In his book Being Peace, he uses it when talking about how difficult it can actually be to follow even a basic guideline, like not killing animals:

If you are lucky enough to have a vocation that helps you realize your ideal of compassion, you still have to understand more deeply. If I am a teacher, I am very glad to have this job helping children. I am glad that I am not a butcher who kills cows and pigs. Yet the son and daughter of the butcher come to my class, and I teach them. They profit from my right livelihood….You may try to follow a vegetarian diet, to lessen the killing of animals, but you cannot completely avoid the killing. When you drink a glass of water, you kill many tiny living beings…..I am aware that my vegetarian dish is not completely vegetarian, and I think that if my teacher, The Buddha, were here, he could not avoid that either. The problem is whether we are determined to go in the direction of compassion or not. If we are, then can we reduce the suffering to a minimum? If I lose my direction, I have to look for the North Star, and I go to the North. That does not mean I expect to arrive at the North Star. I just want to go in that direction.

Rules, guidelines, and methods are great for helping us achieve our goals, but they’re not the same as the goal. We don’t follow the North Star to get to the North Star.

This understanding can be really useful when you’re working through college applications and start getting stressed about the expectations. My SAT score is in their bottom 25%—does that mean I’m not qualified? The college’s admission website says they recommend four years of social studies, but my I’ve only got three years—should I even bother to apply? I know that it’s good to visit campus, but I didn’t have time to visit campus—that’s going to count against me, isn’t it? Don’t get too bogged down in the guidelines and expectations. There are definitely some non-negotiable rules. But lots of the guidance and advice is just…guidance and advice, not the goal. Those details just let you know that colleges are looking for smart, hard working students who have already expereinced some academic success and are active in their college search. If that describes you, then put together the best application you can that demonstrates it. Don’t worry if you don’t check off every tiny box. You’re goal isn’t to check off boxes, it’s to apply to a college that’s a good fit.

It’s good to remember this in the larger picture as well. Your goal isn’t to be accepted to a particular college or a particular type of college. Your goal is to become a productive, successful, happy adult. Going to a “good college,” however you define that, is a path to that goal, it’s not the goal itself. If you’re not accepted to your top-choice school, or are denied from many schools and enroll at a “safety,” it doesn’t mean that you won’t achieve your goal of becoming a productive, successful, happy adult. If you are accepted to your “dream school,” it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will achieve your goal. If you cheat, plagiarize, and lie on your resume to get into a school that will make you feel good about yourself, you’re not likely to feel good about yourself. The hit you take to your integrity and self-worth will negate the temporary, superficially good results.

The whole process can all be especially difficult if you don’t know where Home is. If you only have the method but don’t know the goal, that can be demoralizing. I’ve known a number of high school students who knew to follow the North Star, but had no idea where they were going. They knew to get good grades, to have things they could put on an Activities List, to get accepted to selective university. But they didn’t have any goals or ambitions beyond that. They were following the North Star just to follow it, with no real idea why they wanted out of the woods or where home was. If they were being honest with themselves, some would probably see that they spent so much time and energy following the North Star to avoid having to think too much about Home. None of us have a goal or path all the time; all of us go through the motions of what we think we’re supposed to do until we figure out a higher calling or passion. It’s really common, and not necessarily a problem at all. If you think you’re doing this—that you’re following a method to reach your goals even though you’re not sure what you’re goals are—the first step is be honest with yourself and acknowledge that’s the case. The next thing is to be kind to yourself and curious about yourself. You’ll find your way. Get help if you need it. Just don’t expect that you’re going to arrive at the North Star.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

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2. Read these related posts:

   The secret to success? Here are two of them.

   Expect surprises

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

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Five considerations before making a last-minute decision

It’s the final few days before seniors have to make May 1st decisions and deposits. (If, for whatever reason, you’re looking for colleges still open for applications, check out NACAC’s list; it’s updated daily.)

While many have already made their final decision, many others are still trying to figure it all out. Every year I talk with students and families going through the last-minute decision process. Usually, the final decision is tough to make because a student is choosing between a few very good, but very different, options. I can’t make the decision any easier for you, but I can perhaps help you be more self-aware of the issues holding you up. Here are five things to consider as you’re making that last-minute decision.

What information do you wish you had to make this an easier choice? If there are basic facts to look up, you’ve probably already looked them up. The other questions don’t have clear answers, but it’s helpful to name them anyway. Take the buzzy anxiety out of your head and write it down in clear questions. Will I be able to find a job easily once I graduate? Will I find a strong social group easily at college? Will my family’s finances change and make a barely-affordable choice completely unaffordable? How will I handle this large transition? What environment will be the healthiest for me? How big a risk is too big? These are the types of big-picture questions I see students wrestling with when they’re struggling to make a decision. Name those questions and make sure you understand where your indecision is coming from.

Understand the difference in cost. If the colleges you’re considering have significantly different costs, take time to understand that difference. Why do they have different prices? Why do you think the more expensive one might be worth the extra cost? If you take the less expensive one, what will be done with the savings? If loans are involved, how much will the total cost of those loans (loan amount plus interest over time) be?

Understand the difference between reason and emotion. What are the rational reasons for attending any of the colleges you’re still considering? What are the emotional temptations pulling you towards them? Which seems the safer choice, and which feels more risky? How do you normally make decisions: with a pro/com list, or with a gut feeling? There’s nothing that says you have to go with the more reasonable, disciplined approach, and there’s nothing that says you should throw caution to the wind and go with instinct. Ideally, you will find the right balance of the two. But first it really helps to separate the logic from the emotions as best as you can.

Explain your decision before making it. For each of the schools you’re still considering, whether two or 10, write this sentence for each: “I’ve chosen to go to _____, because _____. I was also considering _____, but _____.” Don’t let your explanations be vague or long-winded. Write them down in clear sentences. And then read those sentences aloud, a lot, to multiple people, and see what resonates.

Don’t look back. Once you’ve chosen, be done with it and forget about the others. Make your deposit, and make a housing deposit. Go online and buy a school sweatshirt. Throw out or give away any t-shirts or materials from the others you were considering. Tell everyone you know where you’re going. Start looking for a roommate. Immerse yourself in planning for the fall—go to the website, read all the materials they send, mark your calendar. The sentence you used to explain your choice? Use it a lot.

After May 1st, the relative advantages and disadvantages of those other schools won’t disappear. You can spend the summer making yourself crazy wondering “what if?” You may start to wonder if it’s really too late to change your mind. You may start to think about transferring after the first year. You may take the difficult decision you make this week and stretch it out for months, not really getting anywhere. The smart thing to do, difficult as it is, is to let go and move on.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   What to do when you get waitlisted

   Don’t pass up a full ride

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

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The element that's missing from a lot of LOCIs

So first, LOCI means Letter of Continued Interest. It’s what you write to a college who is offering you a wait list spot if you want to be on their wait list. It’s where you explain to them that you still really want to go to their school.

I don’t actually think you should take a wait list spot if you have affordable acceptances from any other colleges. I recommend the emotional empowerment of basically saying "screw you and your waitlist, I'm going to a place that already recognizes my awesomeness." (You may not want to literally say that.)

But if you do decide to hold out hope and take a place on the wait list, you’ll probably write a LOCI. Make sure, however, that the college wants one. Some schools require them, but some ask you not to send one. If there are any instructions from the individual school, follow those instructions!

In many LOCIs, there's a looming question a lot of people don’t address: if this is your top-choice school and you want to go here so badly, why didn’t you apply Early Decision? You’re writing this letter now saying that you love the college, it’s your first-choice pick, and if they accept you—even late in the summer—you will go there. The way to signal to a college that it’s your Number One and that you will definitely attend if admitted is to apply ED. So why didn’t you? You should address this directly. This is the thing that’s missing from a lot of LOCIs—explaining what’s changed—and you can make your LOCI better by addressing it. Even if you’re writing a LOCI for a college that doesn’t offer ED, you can write a stronger letter by thinking about this question and answering as if they did.

There are three main answers for why a person has a top-choice but didn’t apply ED if they could have.

One reason is that you’ve learned more about the school. Since applying, you’ve done more research, gone on a visit, or somehow gotten a better idea of what the school is all about. If this applies, say so, and explain what changed. Tell them what you’ve learned about them since you submitted your application. Be as specific as possible. Or maybe you are the one who’s changed. You’ve gained a better understanding of yourself or have made some major decisions that make the school a lot more attractive now than it was at the end of last year. Either way, the college feels like a much stronger fit that it did when you had the chance to apply ED. Make that clear, and give concrete details.

Another reason people don’t apply ED to a top-choice school is that they are fearful of applying ED because they want to compare financial aid offers. That’s perfectly reasonable and understandable. If you’re now in a situation where you wanted to apply ED to a school but held off for financial aid reasons, but the other financial aid offers you got just aren’t good enough to make you change your mind, say so. Make sure you discuss this with your family first, though. You’re basically signaling that attending the college is more important to you than financial aid. That’s potentially a very expensive thing to say, so be thoughtful about saying it. No, you’re not obligated to take a waitlist spot if they offer you one but don’t offer enough financial aid to make it affordable. But understand up front that they’re probably not going to offer much financial aid, because their budget may be limited by the time they get to the wait list. So if you think it’s a strong possibility that you won’t be able to afford to go even if they offer you a place, you may not want to bother with the LOCI and wait list.

There’s a third situation that’s tricky to write about. That’s when you’re asking for a wait list spot not because the college is really your first-choice pick, but because your first-choice pick didn’t accept you, and maybe your second also didn’t accept you, and now the top of your list is the one who waitlisted you. It’s hard to tell them “you never were my favorite, but now I guess you are, because all my favorites didn’t accept me. I’m feeling a little desperate.” You don’t need to hide this or feel embarrassed. Still, your LOCI will be stronger if you take the time do some research and write most of your LOCI as if you’ve learned a lot more about the school and/or learned more about yourself.

What else should you include in a LOCI? Give them any updates that may be useful. Has your GPA gone up at all? Have you won any awards, completed any big projects, or done anything else noteworthy? If there's anything that's substantially changed for the better since you applied, let them know about it. All this is going into a single page. Unless the school directs you otherwise, aim for 400-500 words.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Three things seniors can do while they wait

   Make your choice and don’t look back

   Dealing with denial

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Expect surprises

In my years teaching high school seniors who were going though college admission, I learned to expect surprises. Several times I had fairly intense conversations in April with a senior trying to choose between two colleges. And on the May 1st deadline I would learn…that they went someplace completely different. I saw seniors celebrate in December their early acceptance to their dream school only to have very different dreams—and enroll at a very different school—in the spring. I learned never to consider a decision final until the student actually committed on paper. Even then, sometimes students will change their minds or do something completely different. When it comes to college admission, which is a very big, complex, and important decision, we should all expect surprises.

As a consultant, I often remind clients to expect surprises and not to be afraid of them. I’ve had clients begin the process in their junior year with a very clear set of goals, only to find themselves with a very different set of goals by the end. I’ve heard a shocking number of times: “I don’t actually know why I applied to that college.”

I had a couple surprises last week as I was checking in on people to see what news they’ve heard so far and what I can do to help them over the next month. One client initially told me that she’s not interested in going to school in the South, except maybe Florida. Still, I wasn’t too surprised when she told me a month ago that she applied to the University of Alabama. And this week she told me she’d been accepted to 11 schools so far, including Ole Miss. I didn’t know she applied to Ole Miss until she’d already been accepted. Surprise!

Another client had a plan. She was going to apply to UT Austin and Texas A&M, where she knew she would be accepted through auto-admission. She was also going to apply to Harvard and Cornell. And that’s it. Four schools: two assured acceptances, two long shots. So was I surprised when she told me this week that she was offered a scholarship at Auburn and is interviewing at Baylor? A little. But I’ve come to expect surprises.

Students, it’s ok to change your mind about things. People do it all the time, and you’re still growing and figuring things out. All that I ask about changing your mind and embracing the surprises is that you’re honest with yourself about your reasons. Self-knowledge is the best knowledge, and understanding your own motivations is honestly more important to your future success than what college you attend.

Take a (relatively) common example: the senior who gets accepted to an exclusive private college, one that they had as their top choice school, but ends up going to the less selective public university that’s much closer to home. They choose less prestige than they might. Why might a student do this? There are plenty of reasons.

A student might realize that they were only applying to the selective school to see if they would be selected, not because they actually want to go there.

A student may have known all along that they were unlikely to afford the private school but wanted to find out for sure. This student is fine with the decision.

Another student may have just assumed that a big scholarship would fall in their lap, and when it didn’t they changed plans and are very not-fine with the decision.

A student may have applied for the selective school with a major in mind, and then changed their mind about their intended major.

They may have visited the selective school and realized that the culture isn’t a good fit and not worth the extra money for them.

They may be experiencing mental or physical health problems that make being near home more practical.

They may be experiencing a major case of poor self-esteem and feel like they don’t deserve to go to the more prestigious school even though they were accepted.

They may change their mind and have no real idea why.

There are so many reasons to change your plan; there are probably overlapping reasons. But be honest with yourself. If what’s happening is that you’re scared of failure and so you’re setting yourself up for something that seems easier, don’t tell yourself that you’re changing your mind because of the dorms. If you’re freaking out because you now understand your family’s financial situation isn’t a stable as you assumed, don't tell yourself that you’re suddenly philosophically against private education. You can’t grow if you’re not honest about what the problems are. That’s really important.

You don’t have to tell everyone your reasons for changing your plan. You can always say of the school you enroll at: “it turned out to be the best academic, financial, and social fit for me.” And leave it that at. But if the reasons for your surprise move are things you need help with, you have to be honest with yourself so you can get that help.

Parents, keep yourself open to possibilities. When I talk to a student who doesn’t know what they want to major in but feel pressure to figure it out by their senior year of high school, it’s always their parents who are doing the pressuring. The reasons for the pressure are completely valid. It is indeed easier to choose a school suited to your field of study if you know what your field of study is. You are more likely to graduate on time if you go in with a plan and a schedule. College is indeed an expensive place to just explore interests. And yet you have to expect surprises. A third of college students change their major at least once. Forcing them to figure it out before applications doesn’t actually make things go more smoothly. When you’re helping your student choose colleges, focus on things other than fields of study and majors, especially if your child seems unsure. I don’t worry about clients who don’t have a major picked out. They’ve got a lot to discover and a lot that can go right. I worry a lot about clients who seem to have the next five years mapped out. They’re in for surprises, and there’s a lot that can go wrong.

Surprises happen, all the time. Those of us who see them over and over again are not that phased by them. Students going through the process for the first time, and especially their families, are often really distressed about it. Many high school students don't know what they want to do, what they want to study, where they want to be in the world. While I could share a bunch of exercises on trying to figure it out, instead I’m going to share the words of Zen Master Seung Sahn: “Good. Keep this ‘don’t know mind.’ It is an open mind, a clear mind.”

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Making a very important decision in a very difficult time.

   It’s not the choice, it’s how you explain it.

   Getting good advice from your family.

3. Ask a question—or share other resources—in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

It's not the choice you make, it's how you explain it

A question I get often—from students, from parents, from strangers I’ve just met—basically comes down to “should I do A or B? Which is better for college applications?”

I can take AP Chemistry or AP Biology. Which should I take?

Should I take Calculus or Statistics?

I can take this really cool elective course or do one more year of baseball. Which should I do?

My daughter wants to quit the robotics team to be in the school play. Will this look bad to colleges?

My son wants to quit doing schools plays to try out for the robotics team. Will this look bad to colleges?

We’re thinking about moving high schools. How will this affect college acceptances? Does it raise red flags?

Can I take one fewer class my senior year to get more hours at work, or will that ruin my college chances?

My answer to these “A or B” questions is almost always “it doesn’t matter.” If you’re choosing between two good options, then you can’t go wrong. Pick the one that feels right to you and move on.

How can I say that these decisions don’t matter for something so consequential, and daunting, as college admission? For one, there is no secret set of standards and choices that colleges demand. To be clear, they do have standards. Take this example from the University of Oklahoma.

You can see that they require three years of math and recommend four. You can see that calculus and statistics are both things they recommend. You can see that they don’t tell you which one to take. If they really want you to take calculus and not stats, they’d say so. But they don’t.

A lot of our anxiety around college admission is this idea that there are secret expectations and rules. We love the idea of holistic admission. Holistic admission means that we can highlight our positive aspects and get credit for them. Holistic admission means that we’re not penalized for not taking a class that isn’t available at our school. Holistic admission means that our application will be taken within the context of our own life and not just a list of rules and requirements. We love all this…but we don’t always really believe it. Take a deep breath and accept it. There are no secret rules or requirements. You’re going to be accepted to a college—or denied—based on your whole application in context of your school and experience. You’re not going to be accepted—or denied—based on how well you guess what the secret rules are and adhere to them.

“Ok,” some of you may be thinking now, “I accept that there isn’t a secret rule about which option I take. But within my context, which would look better for me in a holistic admission context? Does it make my application look less polished, on the whole, if I switch from robotics to drama, or from debate to drums? What does it say about me?”

That’s a great question. I get it: “it doesn’t matter what you do” is unsatisfactory. Colleges accept some applicants and deny other applicants, so obviously “anything goes, don’t worry about it” is not a complete answer. So I say instead, “it’s not the choice you make, it’s how you explain it.” Because you get to decide what it says about you when you explain what it says about you.

Context matters, so explaining the context helps you out no matter which choice you make. Explaining your choice moves you away from a passive “tell me what to do” attitude and gives you more agency and control. It also highlights your critical thinking and illuminates your personality.

So don’t just focus on the choice, but the reason for the choice.

Even though I know that AP Biology aligns more with my intended major, I didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to take another class from a really great teacher with whom I have a strong relationship. I’ll be taking plenty of biology in college and don’t expect the AP credit to transfer to my college in the first place.

Even though I had to pass up another class with really great teacher with whom I have a strong relationship, I ultimately decided to focus on my intended major and take AP Biology. I can still talk to my chemistry teacher after school, but I can’t get solid biology instruction after school.

It was difficult to let go of a unique elective course to play baseball another year, but I’ve developed into a team leader and didn’t want to let the team down my senior year.

It was difficult to walk away from the baseball team I’d spent three years with, but I know that my future is more academic than athletic, and this elective course was the ideal place to start making that future real.

In all these examples, it’s not the choice that’s really important—it’s the explanation. By explaining your choice, you emphasize personal qualities and priorities. You are showing colleges your decision-making process and your values. Preparing for the future, prioritizing relationships over grades, leadership, and intellectual curiosity are all things that colleges value. All of these explanations, even though for opposing decisions, mark you as having qualities colleges are interested in.

The more the reason for your decision aligns with the qualities you’re trying to emphasize in your overall application, the better. If you write an essay about how personal relationships are the backbone of a successful life, but also explain that you chose the class that aligned with your intended major over the teacher with whom you have a strong relationship, then that does indeed muddy the application. If you explain that you chose the relationship over the curriculum, but then don’t have a letter of recommendation from that teacher, it can be a glaring omission. If you want to emphasize your leadership capabilities in your application but also explain that you walked away from a leadership position to take an elective class, that might raise suspicion. But again, it’s the explanation that raises suspicion, not the decision. Let your defining qualities and priorities guide your decisions, not what you think colleges want you to do. The more you do that, the stronger the application will be.

But where do you get to explain your decisions? In the most basic, literal way, where does that happen? Throughout the application. If it’s a really major and important choice, then it may even become the subject of your essay. More likely it’s going to answer a supplemental question and/or be something you make sure to talk about in an interview. While there probably won’t be a question about “explain why you took one class over another” on an application, there will be places where you have a chance to explain your choice if it needs explaining. Most application supplements even have some version of “is there anything else you want us to know about you?” That can be where you briefly explain a choice you think might need an explanation.

There’s a real possibility, though, that the choice doesn’t even need explaining. Once you’re thinking about your own needs and goals and not just what “looks good to colleges,” you very well may decide you have better things to talk about than being defensive about a single decision. As a basic guiding principle, realize that the bigger and more difficult the decision, the more likely you’ll want to be prepared to explain it. This class over that class, this extracurricular over that one—not a big deal. Moving schools, quitting a team, or drastically changing your workload in either direction will raise questions, though. Be ready to answer them fully and honestly. That really is the best thing, both in terms of college admission and in terms of being the best version of you possible.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   How do I handle supplemental questions?

   What high school classes should you take?

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Seniors, are you still deciding on a college?

The deadline for most seniors to accept or decline most admissions offers is coming up soon--May 1. You may have already made that decision a while ago. If so, congratulations! But if you're still struggling to choose between two schools, or three schools, or seven schools or however many, then you may be looking for some help. 

At this point, I'm assuming that money probably isn't the issue. If you're stuck choosing between two similar schools where one costs wildly more than the other, then you're not really struggling to decide...you're just procrastinating.  Take the more affordable choice; you’ll be glad you did. I'm also guessing that if you're still struggling to decide, then a simple "make a list of pros and cons for each school" is something you've already thought of and found unhelpful.

First, consider all the stats. You’re probably already familiar with their acceptance rate, graduation rate, and basic return-on-investment data. But there are more things to consider:

What is the average daily temperature on September 5, January 10, March 15, and May 30? We all know, in general, that it's colder up north and warmer down south. But you'll want something more specific than that. What is the weather likely to be on your first day of class in fall, the first day of class in the spring, Spring Break, and the last day of class?

How much it will cost to get there and back? How long will it take? If you will be driving from home to college, how long is the drive? Will you need to stop overnight? How much gas is that going to take? (More on gas soon.) If you fly, how long is the flight? Are there non-stops, or do you take multiple flights? How expensive is that? How likely--and possible, even--is it for you to visit home during the year? How important is that to you?

What is the school's sophomore retention rate? That is, how many first-year students come back to the school for a second year? All the schools you're considering probably have similar rates, but any that are significantly higher or lower than the others should get your attention. To get a high retention rate, a school has to do just about everything right: interesting classes, helpful financial aid, and a reputation for being worth the cost and trouble. Take notice of which schools on your list do this better than others.

Is the school on the list of Top Party Schools? Every year Princeton Review ranks the top party schools. They also rank "Stone Cold Sober Schools," which is the opposite. Party sounds fun and positive, but keep in mind the way that these schools are ranked: "Schools on the "Party Schools" list are those at which surveyed students' answers indicated a combination of low personal daily study hours (outside of class), high usages of alcohol and drugs on campus and high popularity on campus for frats/sororities." If they were to re-title the list "schools that attract drunks who don't study" would it sound so fun and exciting?

Compare the size of the campus to the size of its home town. For example, Boston University, University of Southern California, and University of Louisiana at Lafayette have similar numbers of undergrad students. B.U. is in a city of almost 700,000, U.S.C. is in a city of almost 4 million, and Lafayette has around 127,000 people. Those are very different contexts.

How diverse is the school? What's the racial/ethnic breakdown? How much of the student body comes from out of state? How much of it is international? How important is it to you to have a chance to study and learn with people who are different than you and have different backgrounds?

How much is the price of gasoline? If you'll be driving, the amount of money you have to pay to keep your tank full can be quite different depending on where you are. Going to school in an expensive-gas state has a different cost of living than going to a cheap-gas state. Check here to know where the different areas are.

Ok, now that you have more information, here are some strategies for helping you make the final decision.

Go back over your college mission statement carefully. Decide how many separate factors are a part of it, and then see how many of those factors are met by each school. The one that comes closest to meeting all your factors is where you should go. If you haven't yet made a mission statement, it's not too late.

Maybe there's a school that you would like to consider, but it's a little outside your comfort zone. Perhaps it's farther away than you want to be, or larger than you'd want. Maybe it's an all-girls school, or a military school, or will make it your first time being in a minority. Go to that school!! You like it well enough that you applied, and they like you well enough that they accepted you. The fact that it's a little outside the norm for you is exactly why you should go there. This isn't the time to play it safe or delay pushing yourself. 

Practice explaining your final decision. For each of the schools you’re still considering, whether two or 10, write this sentence for each: “I’ve chosen to go to _____, because _____. I was also considering _____, but _____.” And then read those sentences aloud, a lot, to multiple people, and see what resonates.

What will your tie-breaker be? If you just cannot decide between two schools, what will you use to make a decision? Most people would use price, but what if they both cost the same? Will you choose the closer school? The larger school? The one whose basketball team has a better record? Will you flip a coin or ask someone else to make the decision for you? Seriously, thinking now about how to break a tie can help you understand a little better what your priorities are, and that can go a long way.

However you decide, once you've decided, really commit. Don’t look back. Donate all your free college t-shirts you got on visits and college fairs--even of the school you chose. Buy yourself a new t-shirt (or sweatshirt or bumper sticker or keychain) to make the symbol more meaningful. If you're still a member of any discussion boards or online groups for schools other than the one you choose, get off them. Throw away or recycle all the marketing materials you've collected. Delete all the marketing emails. 

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   What to do when you get waitlisted.

   Don’t pass up a full ride.

   Asking for more financial aid.

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Seniors, it's time to decide!

High school seniors applying to college have, for most universities, until May 1st to choose a school and make their commitment. If you have competing offers and aid packages, then it may be difficult to decide. I can’t make the decision for you, but I can offer some advice for how to get yourself in the right frame of mind to make a wise choice.

Know how much input you want from your family, and let them know. This is your decision about your future. If your family is helping to pay for it, it’s also their decision. There’s plenty of room for conflict between you and your family over how to make the best choice. Some students really want the final say to be a communal decision, and some students really want their parents to just stay out of it and let them decide for themselves. Think about how much help you want from your family and then tell them that as clearly as possible. This may be a statement like “This is a really important decision, and I’d love to know what you think I should do and why.” Or “I know we’re all in this together, but for the next week I’d really like to think about things on my own and not talk about college with you.” Making these kinds of statements of your intentions now can make it easier in two weeks if you find yourself needing to say “I know this isn’t your top choice, but I really believe this is the best choice for me and I’d appreciate your support.” There’s of course no guarantee that your family is going to go along with what you request, but beginning with a short and concise statement about what you need is the best way to keep control over your situation.

While you’re at it, think about all your influences. You probably have people you trust, and whose opinions you value, other than your family. Ask those people their thoughts on your final choice. Explain the colleges you’re choosing between, and explain the benefits and risks of each of them. You may get good advice from them, and even if you don’t get good advice, you get the clarifying exercise of being able to articulate the benefits and risks of the contenders. Be careful, though, not to put too much stock in a single person’s opinion. Most people give advice based on their own experiences, which is great. But their experiences may not match yours, and their outlook may not be as pertinent to your situation as they believe. A person who had an exceptionally good or exceptionally bad college experience themselves may give advice that only works if your choices are also exceptional.

Your best friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend is not a good enough reason to choose a school. Of course you love them and want to be with them, and it will be difficult to be away. But college is one of your most significant life decisions, and it has to be based on your life—not just being near someone else while they pursue their own life. Would you let your friend tell you what city to live in, what job to take, who else you can be friends with? If not, then don’t let them dictate what college you go to.

Go back to your mission statement. Take a good look at your most recent College Mission Statement. Give the different schools you’re choosing from a detailed and accurate score based on what you decided you want. Do not change your College Mission Statement now just to make it favor one school over another! If one university has a higher score than the others, then that is the one that best matches what you decided you want for yourself. Don’t ignore that. If you have some sort of tie, then there are three things to think about: 1) this decision is going to be really difficult, 2) you’re not going to make a bad choice, so take comfort in that, and 3) at this point the smart thing to do is go with the one that costs less.

Think about the Wise Mind. I had a discussion once, about 20 years ago, that I never forgot. I was talking to a woman—I don’t remember her name or where we talked—who was a therapist, and she told me a rule to consider: always make decisions with the Adult Brain. The Child Brain thinks “I want.” It is impulsive, emotional, selfish, and ungrounded. It just wants what it thinks will be pleasurable. The Parent Brain thinks “I must.” It is consumed by obligation, sacrifice, and service. It defers its own needs to help someone dependent. But the Adult Brain thinks “I will.” It takes both desire and obligation into consideration, and tries to make a reasonable, productive decision. So, the therapist told me, it’s important to recognize that you have a Child Brain and a Parent Brain, but you should always make decisions—especially important decisions—with the Adult Brain.

The more up-to-date terminology for a similar idea is Wise Mind. Wise Mind doesn’t ignore rational thinking or emotion, but considers them both to make wise decisions. Here’s a short video about Wise Mind. To make your college decision using the Wise Mind is to avoid being overly influenced by pure emotion—I want to go to the college that my friend is going to; this college may not be as good a fit, but it’s well-known and people will be impressed when I tell them I go there; how can I pass up that amazing new student activity center? I can avoid an argument with my dad if I just go where he wants me to go. It will also avoid being overly influenced by pure reason—the estimated return on investment is higher at this school, so it would be stupid to pick the other one; this school has 5% more classes in my major than the other one; I’ve known about this school longer, so there must be a good reason for that. The Wise Mind will balance emotion and reason to make the most productive decision.

Practice explaining your decision. You’re going to need to tell people—friends, family, teachers, counselors—what you’ve decided. Practice saying this aloud as clearly as possible—not just where, but why. Make it into a single sentence. You don’t have to wait until you’ve chosen, either. If you’ve narrowed your choices down to two or three, then practice your explanations for all of them. That may make the decision a bit easier.

Once you’ve decided, don’t look back. You can spend the rest of your life wondering what would have been had you chosen a different school. That’s not a good use of your time. Sooner or later you have to stop wondering “what if” and start living the life in front of you. So you might as well do that May 2nd.

Best of luck to all the seniors making these final decisions. Remember: if you’ve got several good options in front of you to choose from, you’ve done a number of things right along the way. Congratulations!

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts:

   What to do when you get waitlisted.

   Don’t pass up a full ride.

   Asking for more financial aid.

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

What high school classes should you take?

It’s only the beginning of March, but it must already be the time when high schools are asking students to choose their classes for next year. I say this because I’ve already fielded several questions this week about class choices. Which of these two AP classes should I take? Which of these electives is better? Which classes are better for my college applications? What makes these conversations fun for me—but really frustrating for the students—is that there’s usually no clear answer. They’re choosing between two high-quality classes, and which one is “better” is really down to their own preferences or the nuances of the classes; there’s not an objectively correct answer about which one will help their college applications more.

The general rule to follow is that you should take the most rigorous classes available to you. But that’s awfully general. It doesn’t necessarily mean you should take five AP course per year, and it doesn’t exactly answer “should I take AP Calculus or AP Statistics?” Assuming you’re already on board with the general rule, let’s give some more guidelines to help you choose the classes that are right for your path to college, but also choose classes that are right for your present situation.

The first guideline: choose your classes for doing well in college, not just getting into college. I know it’s obvious, but it’s also really easy to forget: getting accepted to college is the beginning, not the end. If your high school strategy is just to get accepted to college without thinking about what you’ll do when you get there and how you’ll do it, you’re really setting yourself up for a rough time. You’ve got to think about the bigger picture and your longer-term goals and aspirations.

One big way students fail to plan for finishing college and only focus on getting in is by playing The GPA Game. I’m sure you’re familiar with that concept, but I’ll give a specific example of what I mean. For a few years I was in the position of teaching two classes of English III for juniors and a single section of AP English Language & Composition for juniors. I also had two sections of Honors English III, which had the same curriculum as regular English III, but also included more reading and usually an extra project or two. The Honors class had the same grade point boost as the AP class; it was a five point class, while the regular class was a four point class. Sometimes I’d ask “why are you in this class instead of the AP class?” I’d get answers like “I’m in all honors classes, and I also have band practice for two hours a day, and I also have a job. I don’t have time for the extra homework that comes with the AP class.” That’s reasonable. I’d also get “I’m going to take Dual Credit English next year, which I know transfers to Texas A&M, but I don’t know what I’ll get from A&M for my AP exam score or if I’ll do well enough.” That’s reasonable. But I’d also hear “Why would I take the harder class when I get the same extra points for this one?” That’s The GPA Game, and it’s not as clever as it seems.

First, anyone looking at your transcript can see that you took the lower-level class when a higher level was available, and they’ll keep that in mind when assessing your GPA. Admissions offices don’t fall for that trick. Second, the honors class wasn’t nearly as strong for college preparation as the AP class. (I know this for sure, because I taught both.) And finally, we are what we continually do, and continually playing games and trying to be sneaky doesn’t make you into the person you want to be. If you’re planning on college and have the capacity for the more rigorous course, then take it. Even if it risks lowering your GPA. Even if you can coast along in a less rigorous class. Don’t play The GPA Game.

Remember, though, that there are completely appropriate reasons for taking the less rigorous course. It’s ok to think about your personal development and not just your GPA. It’s ok to think about your long-term mental health and not just your GPA. It’s ok to take classes that are interesting and/or useful to you, not just classes to maintain your GPA. If you start college burned out because you pushed yourself too hard to take too many rigorous classes, then you haven’t done yourself any favors. Likewise if you begin college filled with shame and self-doubt because you cheated and took shortcuts to keep up your GPA. If you begin college with an impressive resume but no social skills because all you did was study alone, college isn’t going to be easy. This is why you have to choose your classes for more than just looking good to college admissions offices. You have to think about how you’ll be successful as a college student, not just a college applicant. It’s far better to graduate from your safety school than drop out of your dream school.

The second guideline: choose the higher quality class. Here I want to distinguish between rigor and quality. When we talk about rigor in high school classes, that usually has to do with classifications. AP classes are considered more rigorous than regular classes. High Level IB course are more rigorous than Standard Level. Core classes are more rigorous than elective classes. Those have to do with general classification, but they say nothing about the actual quality of an individual class. Quality has to do with preparing you for college and life beyond. Quality has to do with the experience of being in the class, which differs from school to school, teacher to teacher, year to year. There may be a lower-rigor elective that will actually provide much more knowledge and wisdom than a more rigorous core course. Which class is higher quality is often only known at the specific school level. You know which classes are higher quality, and you have to trust yourself (within reason) to choose those classes.

At your high school, does being on the yearbook staff provide useful training in publishing and leadership, or does it provide a free period where you mostly drop someone else’s photos into pre-made templates? At your high school, is AP Physics a place to explore the workings of the universe with interesting discussions and labs, or is it a place to do endless multiple-choice practice while being berated for not having enough natural talent? Let the quality of the courses guide you, not just the rigor labels.

Thinking about quality classes is especially useful when choosing between different courses within the same rigor classification. For example, I got an email last week from a client asking if she should take AP Biology or AP Environmental Science. She said she might have room for both, but the scheduling would probably work out so that she could only take one. She’s hoping to go to vet school after college, or possibly into agricultural policy, so this is an important decision. Which is better? I didn’t have a clear answer. I said:

If all else is equal, then I would recommend Bio as the priority, and adding Environmental Science if you really think it's feasible to do both. However, if there are circumstances that make you think Environmental Science may be a better choice for you, then trust that instinct. For example, if you know that the AP ES teacher is good about lots of hands-on field work, while the AP Bio teacher is just focused on drilling for test prep, then definitely take the higher-quality class. Or if taking both means letting go of one of your extracurriculars that you're passionate about, then AP ES probably isn't worth it.

It wasn’t a clear-cut answer, but it was the right answer. She almost immediately replied that she would

go with AP Environmental Sciences, because the teacher facilitates more learning. The AP Biology teacher is notoriously cruel and generally bad, she doesn't have many kids pass the AP test. Unfortunately I can't do both, I have to take Economics as well.

Once I asked her to think about quality and not just what would look best on an application, she knew exactly what to do.

The third guideline: how you explain your choice is at least as important as the choice. You will have opportunities in your college applications to explain class choices you made or grades on your transcript. A lot of people only think about this defensively—if they had a low grade or got put into a class that they didn’t really want or think was good enough, then they can plead their case. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you made a choice that you think might raise eyebrows, in either a good or bad way, then feel free to explain yourself. Let the colleges know how you think about things, not just the list of your choices. For any time when you had to pause to decide which was the better class to pick, be prepared to explain that decision.

Especially for the choices where there isn’t an objectively correct answer, the explanation will carry a lot of weight. Say you’re having a hard time choosing between one more year of soccer or taking a history elective that isn’t an AP class. “Even though I knew the history course is more academic than soccer, I decided to stick with my team for senior year because on the field is where I get to practice skills like self-discipline and teamwork that jut don’t happen as often as regularly in the classroom.” That’s compelling. “It was hard to say goodbye to my teammates, but I knew that if I was serious about going to college I needed to spend that time on more upper-level academic classes.” That’s also compelling. Either of those makes sense. “I’m good at soccer and get a lot out of it, but my counselor said it would look better to colleges if I take a history class I don’t care about, so I did.” That’s….not compelling. The explanation is a lot more important than the choice, and many times simply explaining your options to yourself will help make the choice much easier.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Check out these related Apply with Sanity posts: Don’t just get into college, finish it. Are Advanced Placement classes a scam? Questions from students.

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.