Four quick tips for your application essays

July has been full of student essays for me, and I expect the same of August. I strongly believe that college-bound seniors should have a solid draft of at least one application essay before the first day of school. It’s one of the larger—if not largest—tasks on your application, so giving it lots of time is wise. If you haven’t quite begun yet, are in the middle of drafting and revising, or feel you’re just about finished—here are four tips for improving your essay.

Add first, cut later. The main Common Application essay has a maximum of 650 words, and most students aim to use all 650. Ideally, your first draft should be more than 650 words. When you’re doing your first round of writing, don’t worry about word count at all. Most important, don’t worry about your essay being too long. I get nervous when a student sends me a first draft and it’s 652 words. Sometimes that means I’m not actually looking at a first draft, but something they’ve already edited down. But usually it means that the student worked on their first draft with a word count in mind, forcing themselves to stop at 650. They were too focused on length and not enough on the content of what they’re trying to explain. I love to see first drafts at 1000, 1200, 1500 words. That gives us a lot to work with.

Once a first draft comes to me that’s over 650 words, most students expect the next step is that I’ll give suggestions to get it down below the maximum word count. But I don’t. The first thing I ask for is more. More details, more examples, more explanation. I always want students to add before they cut. Cleaning up paragraphs and sentences to get the word count down is usually the last step of the process. It happens on draft six or seven, not draft two. Your strongest writing is going to happen when you add first, cut later.

Do you really need that hook? It seems to be a truth universally acknowledged that a college application needs to begin with a “hook.” A hook is often an intensely narrated scene or vignette that sets up the essay to follow. Its main goal is to “draw the reader in” or “grab the reader’s attention.” I am, as a rule, anti-hook. Your first paragraph does indeed need to be very well written and engaging. But so does your second paragraph. And every paragraph after that. With only 650 words to use, you don’t have time to devote a full paragraph only to fancy writing. The first paragraph needs to do a lot more than that.

So try this: remove the first paragraph of your essay and see what information is missing. What gets lost when you remove the first paragraph, other than a hook? If the rest of the essay simply makes no sense without that first paragraph, then congratulations! You avoided the hook trap. If the essay mostly works without the paragraph, but a few key things are missing, then work to get those key things into other paragraphs, or at least shorten the first paragraph. This will leave you room in your essay for more concrete details, which are far more important than a hook anyway. If your essay can begin at the second paragraph without losing anything, get rid of the the first paragraph. Now you’ve freed up a lot of room for better writing. Again, I want to stress: all the things you do for a hook you should do for all your paragraphs. Use precise and descriptive language, avoid cliches, do everything you can to hold onto that reader’s attention. But please don’t waste 20% of your essay with a hook for hook’s sake.

Spend more time working on verbs. How do you make your entire essay more hook-ish? How do you make your writing stronger, more attention-grabbing, yet also shorter and to the point? Focus on verbs. All the effort you might spend on a hook, you should be spending on verbs. That’s the secret weapon.

And it’s simple to do. Go through your draft and circle (on a hard copy) or highlight (on a screen) all the To Be verbs. You probably have a lot—most of us do. They’re the most common verbs in English, and they’re also the most vague. Spend as much time as it takes to eliminate at least a third of those To Be verbs and replace them with something more active. If you can replace half of them, that’s even better.

For example: “I am on the tennis team and I’m also a tennis coach” can become “I play tennis for the school and I also coach tennis.” Or “I am president of our NHS chapter” becomes “I lead our NHS chapter.” You’ll make stronger verbs, and you’ll probably also help lower your word count.

Include the past, present, and future. Most of your application will be focused on the past. You’re explaining things you’ve done, challenges you’ve overcome, and interests you’ve explored. That’s normal. But keep an eye on time as you’re writing. Don’t spend too much time in the distant past. If you need to refer to something that happened before high school that’s fine, but don’t spend any more words than necessary on a distant past. Also, be sure to include the present as much as possible. If you overcame an obstacle in the 10th grade and improved your life, fantastic. Explain what happened and what you gained from it. But also include the present. How are you currently applying what you learned from the episode? How are you currently improving the skills you gained? How is the quality you’re trying to explain currently showing up in your life? Don’t let your essay begin before 9th grade if you can help it, and don’t let it end before 12th grade.

While it’s present you who is applying to college, it’s future you who will actually be in college. Admissions readers aren’t just looking at the present you, they’re trying to figure out how future you may fit into their school. Keep this in mind, and make it easier for them. Whatever quality or characteristic you’re presenting in your essay, how do you see it being manifested over the next five years? How would you like those qualities and characteristics to develop and grow, and what kinds of challenges will help you achieve that? Your last paragraph is a good place to bring this up. Remember, it’s not that you have grown, are done growing, and will only be your full grown self at college. You’re expected to keep growing, through both successes and failures. Let them know how much you understand that and are looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Practicing gratitude

   Supplemental writing: looking forward and looking back

   Writing essays like a grown up

   Yes, you can write about that

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

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The element that's missing from a lot of LOCIs

So first, LOCI means Letter of Continued Interest. It’s what you write to a college who is offering you a wait list spot if you want to be on their wait list. It’s where you explain to them that you still really want to go to their school.

I don’t actually think you should take a wait list spot if you have affordable acceptances from any other colleges. I recommend the emotional empowerment of basically saying "screw you and your waitlist, I'm going to a place that already recognizes my awesomeness." (You may not want to literally say that.)

But if you do decide to hold out hope and take a place on the wait list, you’ll probably write a LOCI. Make sure, however, that the college wants one. Some schools require them, but some ask you not to send one. If there are any instructions from the individual school, follow those instructions!

In many LOCIs, there's a looming question a lot of people don’t address: if this is your top-choice school and you want to go here so badly, why didn’t you apply Early Decision? You’re writing this letter now saying that you love the college, it’s your first-choice pick, and if they accept you—even late in the summer—you will go there. The way to signal to a college that it’s your Number One and that you will definitely attend if admitted is to apply ED. So why didn’t you? You should address this directly. This is the thing that’s missing from a lot of LOCIs—explaining what’s changed—and you can make your LOCI better by addressing it. Even if you’re writing a LOCI for a college that doesn’t offer ED, you can write a stronger letter by thinking about this question and answering as if they did.

There are three main answers for why a person has a top-choice but didn’t apply ED if they could have.

One reason is that you’ve learned more about the school. Since applying, you’ve done more research, gone on a visit, or somehow gotten a better idea of what the school is all about. If this applies, say so, and explain what changed. Tell them what you’ve learned about them since you submitted your application. Be as specific as possible. Or maybe you are the one who’s changed. You’ve gained a better understanding of yourself or have made some major decisions that make the school a lot more attractive now than it was at the end of last year. Either way, the college feels like a much stronger fit that it did when you had the chance to apply ED. Make that clear, and give concrete details.

Another reason people don’t apply ED to a top-choice school is that they are fearful of applying ED because they want to compare financial aid offers. That’s perfectly reasonable and understandable. If you’re now in a situation where you wanted to apply ED to a school but held off for financial aid reasons, but the other financial aid offers you got just aren’t good enough to make you change your mind, say so. Make sure you discuss this with your family first, though. You’re basically signaling that attending the college is more important to you than financial aid. That’s potentially a very expensive thing to say, so be thoughtful about saying it. No, you’re not obligated to take a waitlist spot if they offer you one but don’t offer enough financial aid to make it affordable. But understand up front that they’re probably not going to offer much financial aid, because their budget may be limited by the time they get to the wait list. So if you think it’s a strong possibility that you won’t be able to afford to go even if they offer you a place, you may not want to bother with the LOCI and wait list.

There’s a third situation that’s tricky to write about. That’s when you’re asking for a wait list spot not because the college is really your first-choice pick, but because your first-choice pick didn’t accept you, and maybe your second also didn’t accept you, and now the top of your list is the one who waitlisted you. It’s hard to tell them “you never were my favorite, but now I guess you are, because all my favorites didn’t accept me. I’m feeling a little desperate.” You don’t need to hide this or feel embarrassed. Still, your LOCI will be stronger if you take the time do some research and write most of your LOCI as if you’ve learned a lot more about the school and/or learned more about yourself.

What else should you include in a LOCI? Give them any updates that may be useful. Has your GPA gone up at all? Have you won any awards, completed any big projects, or done anything else noteworthy? If there's anything that's substantially changed for the better since you applied, let them know about it. All this is going into a single page. Unless the school directs you otherwise, aim for 400-500 words.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Three things seniors can do while they wait

   Make your choice and don’t look back

   Dealing with denial

3. Ask a question in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Supplemental writing: looking forward and looking back

It’s the middle of November. A few weeks ago I was tremendously busy reading essays for students sending off early applications with a November 1st deadline. Since then I’ve mostly been reading a slow-but-steady trickle of supplemental prompt responses. Most of them have been really great, and when I do see problems they tend to fall under a single category: mixing up past-centered and future-centered prompts. When you first approach the prompts and begin to decide how to respond, ask yourself if the prompt is asking you to look back or look forward.

Some common supplemental prompts ask you to look back on the near past. Prompts asking you to explain an extracurricular activity, explain a challenge or setback, explain a talent, or explain a work of art that is meaningful to you are all asking you to look back on where you have been and who you have been. Prompts asking you to explain the effects of Covid or other disasters also look back to the near past. They want to know what you have done and what you have thought about. It seems completely reasonable that they’d ask these types of questions.

The key for these past-centered prompts (and all short-response prompts) is to be clear and honest. For the long essay I advise people to write absolutely as much as they like and can, without regard for the word limit. It’s better to write 1200 words and then pare down to 650, I say, than to write every sentence with anxiety that you might go over the limit. For short responses, typically 150 to 300 words, I actually advise the opposite. Begin by trying to answer the question in a single sentence. Then add on to that to explain and give context. Obviously you revise and edit from there, but you'll ideally be near the word count when you start the editing. These are very short responses, and they will be read very quickly. Make it easy for the reader to see what it is you want to say. These responses are not the place for clever narratives and dialog.

When you do edit these responses, focus on verbs. Identify all your “to be” verbs and do what it takes to reduce that number by at least a third. The key to stronger writing, especially in short responses, is almost always in the verbs.

Where I see people go astray in these looking-back prompts is when they don’t think they have a strong answer to the question. They haven’t done a lot of sponsored extracurricular activities in school, or they don’t really have a favorite book character or work of art, or they didn’t really suffer in the pandemic like many others did. So they try to cover this up by writing about the future instead. They essentially say “I haven’t got an answer to your question, so I’m going to explain how I’ll be able to answer in the future once I get a response.” Avoid this instinct. Find an answer to the question. Dig deep. Spend time.

You may need to have conversations with friends or family members going over memories of the past. You may need to review synopses of books you read to remember which characters you may have connected with, even a little. (Don’t write about a book you haven’t read—that’s not going to go well.) You may need to spend time researching topics and using your imagination to put together a good answer. The time you spend doing this will be a good investment. It will make your response to the question stronger, and it’s a valuable exercise in solving problems.

If you don’t have many—or any—extracurriculars to talk about, it’s probably because you’re defining “extracurricular” too strictly. You were doing something with your time. If you didn’t participate in any after-school clubs or teams because you had too many responsibilities at home, say so. Talk about what you did to support your family. If you didn’t participate because you had a job, say so. If you didn’t participate because you were struggling with physical or mental health, say so. If you didn’t participate because you’d much rather be playing pick-up basketball (or skateboarding, or playing the guitar, or reading manga or….) say so. Don’t try to cover up the fact that you “did nothing,” but explain what it is that you actually did.

Other prompts ask you to look forward and anticipate the future. Typical forward-looking prompts include questions about your intended major, how you plan to make a difference at the college, what kind of extracurricular activities you hope to be a part of, and what your post-college plans are. With these answers, be as honest and positive as you can.

When I see students go off-track here, it’s often because their answers are too past-focused. They still want to talk about their accomplishments, and it gets in the way of talking about their future. I can understand the impulse: talking about what you’ve already done stands as evidence that you are realistic about your plans for the future. But don’t spend precious words rehashing the past! I won’t be rigid and say “do not mention the past in your responses to these prompts,” but I will say: don’t let a whole sentence be dedicated to the past. If you want to mention something you’ve already done, make it a small part of a forward-looking sentence.

And here’s the other thing about forward-looking prompts: you will rarely impress anyone by providing a course catalog number. For “what kind of things do you hope to do at our college?” questions, applicants really like to prove they’ve done their research by listing the catalog number of courses that look interesting. Ask yourself: how likely is it that the person reading your response—who is not a student or professor at the school, and is probably not even a graduate of the school—knows what “SOC6724” really means? It proves you’ve looked through the course catalog, sure, but it doesn’t prove you’ve been thoughtful about how you see yourself at the school. If you’re going to talk about specific courses or programs you hope to be a part of, follow these simple rules of thumb: as much as possible, talk about professors you’d like to meet, not courses you’d like to take; double-check to make sure that program or course you’re talking about is actually available to undergrad students and isn’t a graduate-level program; don’t overlap niche programs or honors programs in an unrealistic way.

Of course not all supplemental prompts ask you to look back or look forward. Some are completely different. But a surprising number of them do.

Probably the most typical supplemental question is some version of “why are you applying to our school?” For this prompt, you’re looking both back and forward. That’s a good way to approach this question: considering what all you’ve done and what all you hope to do, why is this school a good place for your transition? How can this school help you with that change, and how can you help them, in your small way, in their transition from what they’ve been to what they hope to be?

If you’ve already sent out applications with supplemental responses, I’m sure they were good. And I also hope the future ones will be even stronger.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   How should you handle supplemental questions?

   Be careful re-using essays.

3. Ask a question—or share other resources—in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

Writing essays like a grown-up

When I was a high school teacher, I liked going to the Homecoming Dance and Prom. I didn’t go every year, but when I did I enjoyed them. Here’s one thing I always found fascinating: the transformation from kids to adults…for a while. Often students would arrive to the dance looking quite grown up. Suits and ties, fancy dresses, hair and makeup, fancy shoes. The grown-up look affected their behavior, too. I noticed how often even students who would never greet me with more than a grunt during a school day would want to shake my hand when they saw me at a dance. They were learning to be an adult, and I always loved that.

The funny part, though, is how different things were at the end of the dance. Ties loosened, shirts partially unbuttoned, and jackets in hand. Hair down in a ponytail and high-heeled shoes in hand. Grunts. The adulthood rarely lasted more than an hour or two. I’m not making fun of them or trying to be mean. We all, no matter our age, constantly work on adulthood through trial and lots of error. Seeing these early attempts at growing up on a daily basis is one of the joys of working with high school students.

This week I’ve been reading a lot of student writing as clients are finishing applications for November 1st deadlines, and I’m reminded of the same phenomenon. Students are pushing themselves to be more mature and professional in their writing, but there are a few clear signs—to those looking—that the maturity may not be complete. I’ve only noticed them through years of repetition, and I want to share some of those indications.

Four words I only see in high school research papers and college application essays. These four words I almost never see in any student writing, ever, in any context, except for research papers and college application essays, when the students are working hard to sound formal and mature. In those two cases, I see these words all the time. So very often.

Plethora. I get it. “A lot” doesn’t sound very professional and mature, and we use “a lot” often in everyday speech. So when we’re writing something that’s supposed to be more formal, it makes sense to try “plethora” instead.

Myriad. It means the same as plethora, and using it solves the same problem as plethora—avoiding “many” or “a lot of.” Myriad has the advantage of being both a noun and an adjective. So either “Myriad opportunities awaited me at the job fair” or “A myriad of opportunities awaited me at the job fair” works. Plethora is only a noun, so you would only say “A plethora of opportunities….” If you’re going to use myriad, make sure you use it the same way every time. Don’t go back and forth between adjective and noun.

Delve. This word originally meant to dig. Now it’s only used metaphorically: nobody ever delves a hole in the ground. They only delve into texts or memories, as if digging. And in college application essays, they delve often.

I’m not going to say don’t use myriad, plethora, or delve. You may be one of the people who actually uses them outside of research papers and college applications. You may intend to become a person who uses them regularly. That’s fine. But I do want to give you this warning: when you use these words, you’re more likely to sound like a high school student trying to sound more grown up than an actual grown-up. It’s a slight difference, but it’s there. If the difference matters to you, be careful using plethora, myriad, or delve. I see them often, but 99% of the time it’s in the context of a high school student trying to sound more formal. Not just 99% of the time I see them from students, but 99% of the time I see them ever. I don’t know many adults who use myriad, plethora, or delve in their writing.

There’s another word common in high school formal writing that I will absolutely tell you not to use: whilst. Whilst means the same as while. It’s very common to use whilst in the UK. It is not common to use it in the US. Throwing “whilst” into a sentence is like briefly slipping into an English accent in the middle of a sentence, which doesn’t make you sound more formal, smart, or grown-up. So use whilst if you’re British and use other words and spellings associated with British usage. Or use whilst if you’re being silly and having fun. But if you’re trying to sound more formal for something really important? Do not use whilst.

None of these are deal-breakers or application killers. Nobody gets accepted or denied admission to a university because of how they use (or don’t use) plethora, myriad, delve, or whilst. It’s not that big of a deal. However, if you’re specifically using a word for an effect you’re trying to achieve (“I’m a strong writer”), and using the word often produces the opposite effect (“You’re a high school kid trying too hard”), I feel like someone should let you know.

While (not whilst) we’re talking about things students do in college application essays to sound more formal, let me also warn you about semicolons. Here’s what I always say about semicolons: they’re like samurai swords. Just because they look cool is no reason to go slinging them around.

Just as you never really need to use a samurai sword, you never need to use a semicolon. Commas and periods will get you through life just fine.

Like a samurai sword, only use a semicolon if you’re absolutely positive you’re doing it correctly. Because semicolons are unnecessary, using them incorrectly always looks bad.

Even if you do know how to use a samurai sword or semicolon correctly, using it too often still creates the wrong tone. Use them sparingly, when you’re really sure it’s the best tool to use. It rarely is.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Thinking about pleasure

   Don’t submit that mission trip essay

   Put together your own writing workshop

3. Ask a question—or share other resources—in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.

College application essays: don't forget the middle!

Most of the college application essays I look at involve explaining some sort of change. Several of the Common Application essay prompts ask about change:

The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

Every change essay I read involves, at least at first, a before/after structure.

“I lived in this type of environment, but then I moved and had to change my perspective.”

“I really struggled as a student at first, but then became much more successful.”

“I used to really over-schedule myself, but I’ve learned to focus on a few quality activities over too much quantity.”

The most troubling before/after essays are the ones that put all their energy into the before and dedicate very little space to the after. You don’t quite accomplish your goal by spending 80% of your essay on where you no longer live, or how bad a student you were, or how poorly you managed your time, and then only 20% on the newer, more successful version of yourself. If you’re going to have a before/after essay, then make sure only 20% is on the old and 80% explains the new. After all, it’s the present you that is applying to college, not the past you.

But even the good change essays benefit by expanding the structure. Instead of before/after, think of beginning/middle/end. And here’s the key: the middle is the most interesting part. It shows how you’ve changed, not just that you did. It has verbs. It shows how you’ve adjusted your thinking and habits. It shows you developing and doesn’t just ask the reader to trust that you’ve developed. Make room—a lot more room—for the middle.

It’s October, so let’s use a Halloween example—the werewolf. 1941’s The Wolf Man uses a before/after technique. Larry looks down at his legs, and they quickly change from human legs to furry legs. That’s it. The whole process takes about 20 seconds, and we don’t see any other part of him change. In the next scene, we see him, full werewolf, running through a foggy woods. That’s what most before/after essays are like. “I changed! I’m different now!”

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But skip ahead 40 years to An American Werewolf in London. David’s transformation into a werewolf takes almost three minutes, and we the audience see almost every hair grow, every change in his body. The transformation itself is interesting, not just the after-effects.

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In your change essay the transformation, the things that happened right after the event that prompted the change, is the best part. It tells the audience—the admissions people deciding if they think you’re a good fit for their university—what kind a a person you are, and how you became that person. They can see your thinking, your process, your dedication.

If you moved to a new place and had to get used to a new environment, what were the things you tried? What worked, and what didn’t? Who, if anyone, helped you?

If you struggled as a student but then turned things around, what was that process like? What were the things you tried? What worked, and what didn’t? Who, if anyone, helped you?

If you were over-scheduled and had to adjust, how did you go about narrowing down your activities? What did you prioritize, and why? What were others’ reactions to your changes? Who, if anyone, helped you?

To use another movie example, consider the training montage. The training montage is how a movie condenses days, weeks, or months of transformation into just a few minutes. It gives glimpses into the process without taking up too much time showing the entire process. It focuses on moments of small victories that lead to the large-scale victory. Since a Common App essay only gets 650 words maximum, you need to do the same thing. Explain the process of change in a way that highlights the process but is also efficient with words. Like a training montage.

“I lived in this type of environment, but then I moved and had to change my perspective” becomes “I lived in this type of environment, but then I moved. I was able to identify a mentor, and I tried out a handful of unfamiliar things before finding something new that I’m good at. When I move into another new environment for college, I’ll know how to adjust to the change.”

“I really struggled as a student at first, but then became much more successful” becomes “I really struggled as a student, and I knew I had to change. After several attempts, I found a time management system that works for me, and I made after-school tutoring a normal part of my routine. Maybe I’m not valedictorian, but I’m ready for college in a way that I wasn’t a year ago.“

“I used to really over-schedule myself, but I’ve learned to focus on a few quality activities over too much quantity” becomes “I over-scheduled myself and was miserable. I took a self-designed retreat to get some rest and map my priorities. Then I balanced one academic club with one sport, and now I’m able to be a contributing team member instead of an undependable participant.”

When you add the middle, the before/after essay itself transforms into something stronger, more focused, and more likely to succeed. Much like yourself.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   Is it ok to write about….

   Don’t submit that mission trip essay!

   How do I write a great essay?

3. Ask a question—or share other resources—in the comments section.

Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Zoe Herring.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.