Do I really mean it when I say to never turn down a full ride?

One of my earliest blog posts—and still one on the most popular—was “Don’t pass up a full ride.” You can probably tell the main idea from the title: you should not pass up a full ride. If you apply to a school and they offer you a full scholarship, go to that school.

Last week I got an email from a parent asking me if I still stand by that advice. His daughter won an honors scholarship—a full ride—at her state’s public flagship university, where she “didn’t know full rides existed until she was invited to interview.” She was also accepted to Washington University in St. Louis, a smaller private college with acceptance rates under 15%. And this is the problem, a problem I’ve heard before:

“Our heads say one thing and our hearts another, in part because the small school with huge endowment and beautiful campus is definitely appealing, but probably mostly seduced by this notion that an elite university is a sign of winning and will validate her hard work and make her feel as rewarded as her classmates who managed to get into some Ivies.”

My response was more sympathetic than you might expect.

“The short answer to your question is yes, I do think there are sometimes exceptions to my "never pass up a full ride" rule, and those exceptions are usually situations similar to yours. Though vague and unquantifiable, there is a value--in terms of professional networks, recruiting, social connections, and prestige--to the most elite colleges that can make them more valuable than the full ride at a safety. I would absolutely encourage a student to pass up a full ride elsewhere for Harvard, MIT, or Stanford if they could afford it. WashU probably fits into that category as well. No one can reasonably assume they'll be accepted at WashU, and she applied to her safety not knowing that a full ride was a possibility, so it can be reasonable to pass up the scholarship (which you weren't expecting) for the elite private college (which you weren't expecting to accept you). I would not think your daughter made a "bad" choice if she decides on WashU. 

It sounds like what it comes down to is an emotional decision--prestige, allure, falling in love--versus a rational one--major, money. Personally, I'm more of an emotional, intuitive person. Professionally, I work to be neutral. Either are valid, as long as she understands the choices.

If she were my client, I would make sure she's thinking through both options and communicating with her family. I'd tell her it's her own decision to make and that I would understand and support either decision. I would also really hope she takes the scholarship.”

So for me, the “prestige value” exception only applies to a tiny number of colleges: MIT, Harvard, and Stanford. While I’m very conservative in that list, I can see someone using the same logic for a longer number of schools, including WashU. The trick is that the list can’t be too long. You can’t stretch the vague, unquantifiable value so thin that you get yourself into a “the more prestigious school is aways worth more than a full ride the less prestigious school.” It’s just not true.

There are a few other exceptions to the “never turn down a full ride” advice.

Unsolicited scholarships. How do you respond if a school just, out of the blue, offers you a full scholarship even if you didn't apply or have never heard of it? Yes, this actually happens sometimes. Evaluate that school just as you would any other school, without taking into mind the price. If it meets your criteria and is a place you'd apply, then you're done. Congratulations! If the school doesn't make it into your top twenty and isn't a place you would want to apply, then you can comfortably say No Thanks. 

Financially troubled colleges. A full scholarship to a college may not be worth much if the college closes before you’re about to graduate. And colleges are closing at a rate of about one a week right now. It’s not always easy to know if a school is in financial distress—they probably won’t tell you as part of their marketing materials. But there are some signs to look for. If you’re accepting a good deal from a financially troubled college, even if it’s not a full ride, you’re taking a big risk. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you must always avoid the risk: a year or two of free college might be worth it even if you end up having to transfer elsewhere to finish college. But there’s no shame in turning down a full scholarship from a college that isn’t really able to afford it.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

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   Not all merit aid is the same

   Colleges don’t give you money

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On college admission and baseball

I’m a baseball fan. I go to around 20 regular season Houston Astros games a year. I also follow the Texas Rangers, my hometown team. Like a lot of people my age, I got into baseball watching the Cubs. They only played day games at the time, and WGN showed the games on basic cable. So a bored middle school kid in Dallas could watch a professional baseball game most any afternoon.

I was certainly aware of baseball as a younger kid, and even played one season at the YMCA. (I was really, really bad.) But as a kid, I had a very basic understanding of baseball. I thought the only goal of the batter was to hit a home run. To me, the other bases were just a kind of consolation for getting a hit that wasn’t a home run, and maybe you could still get to home plate if a player after you in the lineup hit a home run. I only understood the big hits that everybody cheered loudly about. It was a simplistic understanding.

But as I got older and started watching games regularly, I learned about all the ways teams win other than hitting home runs. I learned about base stealing, the hit-and-run, and how well-hit singles and doubles can make a huge difference. I learned to appreciate a player’s batting average. I learned to appreciate how important double plays are. I learned that even top home-run hitters get one homer every 10-20 times at bat. I learned to appreciate “small ball.”

I’ve come across plenty of people who think about college in ways similar to my childhood view of baseball. They’re focused on the home runs: getting accepted to famous and prestigious university. They think of colleges other than top-ranked “elite” schools as a consolation, as a type of loss. The standard way of categorizing colleges—reach, target, safety—reninforces this way of thinking, which is one reason I don’t like to use those terms. The idea is that you swing for a home run, which is acceptance to a well-known elite college, but that you might still make it to base with a target or safety school. And then, maybe, you’ll get lucky and still reach your life goals, though not as easily as you would having got into the “better” school.

Students (and parents), let’s expand our understanding. There are thousands of colleges and universities in the US, and at least 95% of them are not disappointments. There are so many ways to achieve your aspirations other than attending a top-100 college.

If you are ambitious and looking for the home run, that’s fine. But please understand that the home run isn’t everything, and it may not happen—it probably won’t happen—and you have to be prepared for what else is out there. You need to find the academic equivalent of hustle, taking risks, watching the signs, and being a team player.

A runner on first base can still score a run. A runner on first can still score the dramatic, game-winning run. A runner on first can still be the MVP. But not if they see being on first as a loss. If you’re not going to your first-choice college, remember this lesson. You can still get what you want. What did you want from that prestigious, “elite” college to begin with?

Prestige? Wherever you're going, they'll have a Dean's List, honor societies, and awards. Go for it.

Social connections? Unless you accidentally applied to a monastery instead of a university, there will be people who want to do fun things with other people. There will be clubs, there will be friendships, there will be parties. The people you bond with will go on to do interesting things after college, and many of them will still consider you a friend and an important part of their lives. You'll still consider many of them a friend and an important part of your life.

Career Opportunities? Your school will have some version of a Career Services office. Start going to that office your first year of college. Look for advice, internships, and opportunities.

Leadership roles? You've probably heard a quotation from one of Shakespeare's greatest plays, Twelfth Night: "some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em." If you're upset that you didn't get into your top-choice school, you may be feeling like you definitely weren't born great. But the other two options are still very available. You've got this.

Personal fulfillment? That happens independent of where you go to school. And 99% of the work is actively done by you, not something you receive from teachers or opportunities. This short-term disappointment may be exactly what your personal fulfillment needs.

I don’t want to discourage anyone from aspiring to a prestigous university with a low acceptance rate or applying to one. By all means make that a goal. But please be wise about that goal. The point of a university is to graduate prepared for an active place in the world; the point isn’t just to get accepted to “the best one possible.”

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this post, here are three easy things you can do:

1. Share it on your social media feeds so your friends and colleagues can see it too.

2. Read these related posts:

   How do wealthy kids get into elite colleges?

   The Glossary: Ivy

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Apply with Sanity doesn’t have ads or annoying pop-ups. It doesn’t share user data, sell user data, or even track personal data. It doesn’t do anything to “monetize” you. You’re nothing but a reader to me, and that means everything to me.

Photo by Angela Elisabeth.

Apply with Sanity is a registered trademark of Apply with Sanity, LLC. All rights reserved.