You’re probably familiar with the Marshmallow Test. In the 1970s, psychologists put little kids in a room with a marshmallow. The test administrators left the room for about 15 minutes, telling the kids that if they didn’t eat the marshmallow sitting in front of them, they could have two marshmallows when the administrator returned. Some children were able to resist the temptation sitting in front of them to get the bigger prize, but many were unable to wait. Decades later, the psychologists met back up with many of the kids from the experiment, and they noticed that the ones who were able to resist as children had much better outcomes adults—better grades in school, higher paying jobs, more general happiness. The experiment seemed to show that children who have the inner power to delay gratification tend to have more successful adult lives. It proved, at least maybe, that will power is a real and powerful thing.
The experiment has been replicated, studied, and challenged many times. It turns out that the correlation between resisting the treat and better outcomes later stands up fairly well, but there are many factors that explain the results other than innate will power. Not surprisingly, if you grow up in a financially secure household and feel you can trust authorities, then it’s easier to have will power.
Here’s what stands out to me about the experiment: kids with a strategy did better. They didn’t just sit there, staring at the marshmallow in front of them, deciding over and over again not to eat it. They did something else to make it easier. Some of the successful kids did this on their own, by sitting on their hands, turning around, singing a song, or otherwise distracting themselves. Sometimes the strategy was built into the experiment: when the psychologists helped out by putting a cover over the marshmallow or providing the kids toys to play with, the kids did better at holding off and getting the bigger prize. Delayed Gratification is a how, not just a what.
If you’re making near year resolutions—or setting goals any time—keep this in mind. Most goal setting and self discipline are about delayed gratification, so remember the lesson: how, not just what. A large goal, any large goal, is essentially a Marshmallow Test. Can I resist the temptation to give in to easy treats in order to get a larger reward later? Can I resist the urge to check my social media feeds in order to do better homework and have higher quality studying? Can I avoid the temptation of…everything else…in order to keep an established weekly time for my college search? They’re all marshmallows. More abstract and more important marshmallows, but essentially marshmallows.
Setting a goal is good, but it’s unlikely to work. Most of us can’t simply decide to avoid eating the marshmallow. We can’t simply decide to be better students, better family members, have healthier bodies, have clearer minds.
Setting a goal and having a method for enacting the change is better. You’re deciding what you want to achieve, and you’re also deciding how you’re going to achieve it. You’re adding a how to your what.
And here’s the trick: setting a goal and having at least two layers of methods for enacting the change is even better.
The most common methods for achieving goals include routine, accountability, measurability, and help from others.
Here’s a personal example. I have made it a goal many, many times to exercise five times a week. I know that I should exercise to help out my blood pressure and weight. I know that I should improve my flexibility. I have frequent back pain, and exercise is the primary method for dealing with that. Despite making this sensible, achievable goal, I have never exercised five times a week. I’ve not been able to delay the gratification of doing other, less difficult things to get the reward of a healthier body. Simply deciding I’m going to exercise five times a week has never worked.
But here’s the thing: I always exercise at least twice a week. It’s not because I have a little bit of will power. It’s not because I try hard but not too hard to remember my goal. It’s because I have a method: I work out with a personal trainer on a set schedule twice a week. The routine and accountability make all the difference. Because those workouts with my trainer are always on my calendar, I never schedule anything else at those times. If I don’t show up to work out with my trainer, I have to pay her anyway. She sends me reminders and she gives me encouragement. I have podcasts that I look forward to listening to in the car on the way to the studio.
I have a goal for five days a week, but I only set up methods for twice a week. So I exercise twice a week.
If I’m going to make it a new year resolution this year to begin exercising five times a week, I’m going to have to include methods, not just the goal. The obvious answer is to use what has been successful so far and work out with my trainer five times a week. But that’s expensive, and I don’t necessarily have time to drive to the studio five times a week. I need to do most of my workouts at home. So what I should do is pile on a number of methods to make sure it happens. I should establish routine times to exercise on the other days, and put them on my calendar. I should set out my exercise clothes as a reminder. I should ask my trainer to check up on how often I work out at home to add a little accountability. I should find a new podcast to listen to while I exercise at home. Setting the goal isn’t enough—I need multiple methods to make it happen.
Let’s think about an academic goal typical of smart, ambitious high school students: get better grades at school. Deciding that you want to improve your GPA is a good thing, but it’s unlikely to work. You need methods, multiple methods, to set you up to achieve that goal. You’ll need to establish regular homework and study times. Ideally it would be the same time each day, but that may not be possible. But for each day, there needs to be a set time you’ll do homework and study. Set up a regular alarm on your phone to remind you every day that it’s time to study. Also set your phone up to go into “do not disturb” mode for your set study time. Establish a routine place where you’ll do this homework—not your bed!—and have everything you need for homework in that place. Tell a family member or other adult you trust about your plan, and ask them to follow up with you about how regularly you follow it. Decide what would make a good reward for following your plan at least 90% of the time, and remind yourself often of what that reward will be. If you’ll do all these things, you stand a much better chance of actually raising your GPA.
If you fail, it will not be a lack of will power. If you fail it will be because of circumstances beyond your control, in which case you will need to alter your methods and try again, or because you didn’t execute the methods in the first place.
So if you’re making new year resolutions this week, remember:
Decide on methods for success, not just the goal. Decide on the methods now, not later.
The more overlapping methods, the better.
Effective methods include routine, measurability (“I will raise my GPA by seven points” is better than "I will get better grades”), and outside help/structure.
If you succeed at implementing the methods but don’t meet the goal, you’ve still succeeded. If you set up a good homework/study routine and keep at it…but don’t raise your GPA significantly, you haven’t failed. You’ve set yourself up for easier success next time. Self-discipline and delayed gratification will always pay off in the long run. Always.
Happy New Year!
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